


do i even know you?

by bebishii



Category: Haikyuu!!, haikyuu
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, M/M, NSFW, Sexting, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24578755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bebishii/pseuds/bebishii
Summary: oikawa: “come on, sugarrrrr”oikawa: “you like someone else and i like someone else. we both know that”oikawa: “if you really don’t wanna do this then fine we won’t and i wouldn’t ever force you, but i’m horny, you are and you almost gave me a blowjob in a bathroom so we do have some kind of unresolved sexual tension”suga: “i did wanna suck you off that day”
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 56
Kudos: 105





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> might make this into a oisuga fanfic if it gets attention but probably not lmao

prologue.

suga let himself fall onto his bed. he was home alone, his mom left to see a friend twenty minutes ago and now he was staring at his phone screen, deep in thought.

oikawa: “hey, sugar~”

his fingers had typed a million answers and yet this all felt so wrong. was it? was it wrong?  
he only loved daichi and they weren’t dating  
and to his knowledge oikawa wasn’t dating anyone either, although he probably likes iwaizumi.

he felt like he felt a month ago, when somehow, after getting a little too drunk they had ended up in a public bathroom, pressed against each other, soft moans.  
nothing much more than a few almost hickeys and a bit hair pulling.  
well.... he was on his knees at some point, but they were interrupted by someone entering the bathroom and that’s when they just.. stopped.

right now, suga went through his hair. he had almost lost his virginity to him and yet he barely knew him... or wanted to know him... not like that.

and yeah he pushed it to being drunk and horny, but thinking of how he almost sucked him off, while not even having his first kiss yet? and that although he loved daichi? ..eh.

oikawa: “did the thought of me make you so horny that you’re unable to reply?”

he blushed. that guy really has no filter. at all.  
although he kind of... was right. in a weird way this did make him feel a little... aroused. but not because it was him.

suga: “oh shut up”  
oikawa: “you know you don’t want that”  
oikawa: “i’m sorry that we weren’t able to finish what happened back then, so i thought maybe texting works to”  
suga: “nothing would’ve happened back then”

again, he felt his cheeks turning red. that was a lie and he knew it, oikawa knew it and.. well if anyone would’ve watched they knew that too.

oikawa: “oh please that almost made me laugh”  
oikawa: “you were so ready for it i feel like that look on your face is burned into my head”  
suga: “shut up”  
oikawa: “here we go again”  
oikawa: “you were so hungry for me when my hand went up your shirt and your eyes were basically begging me to force you down on your knees”  
suga: “geez...”  
oikawa: “you know you loved it. you wanted it so bad, such a shame we were interrupted”  
oikawa: “i haven’t been able to think about what your pretty mouth could’ve done that day”

yup, now he was hard.  
“god dammit”  
he cursed out, his face was so hot it was almost uncomfortable and in some weird way he did feel a little... dirty for being turned on by oikawa out of all people.

oikawa: “so that was all it took to make you horny enough”  
suga: “you have no proof of that.”  
oikawa: “ohoho now we’re getting bratty? alright”  
oikawa: “i know that you are indeed horny right now”  
oikawa: “you’re waiting for me to continue so that it doesn’t feel that wrong to touch yourself to my words”  
suga: “i won’t do that.”  
oikawa: “come on, sugarrrrr”  
oikawa: “you like someone else and i like someone else. we both know that”  
oikawa: “if you really don’t wanna do this then fine we won’t and i wouldn’t ever force you, but i’m horny, you are and you almost gave me a blowjob in a bathroom so we do have some kind of unresolved sexual tension”  
suga: “i did wanna suck you off that day”

oh god, what was he doing?  
was he really doing this?  
oh yeah he was.

oikawa: “no we’re talking.”  
oikawa: “i bet you would’ve done such a good job. you’re a good boy, right? always following orders”  
suga: “as long as you want me to be”

he tried blending out that this was still oikawa he was texting and with every word his erection grew in his pants.

oikawa: “mhm let’s test that”  
oikawa: “touch yourself for me”  
suga: “would be easier if you could do that for me”

but of course, he obeyed. softly let his fingers trace down his shirt, to his pants, the boner being very obvious right now. he squirmed, as he stroked over it through his jeans. he usually wasn’t this sensitive... maybe sexting did have a thrill to it.

oikawa: “but you’re still doing it, right?”  
suga: “as you said”  
suga: “i follow orders”

“fuck” tooru breathed out. very honestly: he didn’t expect this much of a good outcome.  
especially not from sugawara.

oikawa: “good boy”

koushi swallowed. 

suga: “always.”  
oikawa: “i like that”  
oikawa: “mhm i figured. want me to continue talking?”  
suga: “...yes”  
oikawa: “ah ah ah say please”  
oikawa: “no stop typing i wanna hear it”  
oikawa: “make an audio”  
suga: “what??”  
oikawa: “you’re a good boy, right?”  
suga: “...”

once again, his cheeks were flushed. an audio. god, that’s embarrassing, but somehow he liked it too. his breathing speeding up, he more whispered than actually spoke up  
“tooru, would you please continue to- u-uhm... you know... please.”

a few miles away, oikawa smirked as he pressed onto the green recording button to answer: “good boy”

koushi’s eyes widened a bit as he felt his dick twitching beneath his touch.  
he let out a light gasp, before finally opening his pants, still embarrassed at how hard he got from just texts and a ‘good boy’

oikawa: “you would’ve been so good, sugar”  
oikawa: “with my hand in your hair, i would’ve made you choke on it, but you would’ve loved it, right?”  
suga: “you’re making me feel a bit frustrated that nothing happened”  
oikawa: “oh, baby... i’ve been frustrated for weeks”  
oikawa: “i had a chance to fuck your pretty mouth and didn’t use it”  
oikawa: “what would i give to feel your tongue swirling around my cock, all the pretty noises you could’ve made...”  
oikawa: “your hair is so easy to hold you with. i would’ve made your head bob on it, would’ve pulled you away again”  
oikawa: “the image of you with saliva dripping out of your mouth is so fucking hot”

a moan escaped koushi’s lips as he started stroking up and down his length.  
this has so much more thrill than just watching porn.

suga: “i would’ve begged for it”  
oikawa: “damn right you would’ve.”  
oikawa: “you better have.”  
suga: “mhhhhm”  
oikawa: “but i wouldn’t have let you.. although your begging does sound nice.”  
oikawa: “if you’re jacking off right now which you probably are go slower”  
suga: “tooru :(((“  
oikawa: “only makes you want it more”  
oikawa: “come on, baby, you’re good right?”  
oikawa: “and so cute when you want it.. so eager...”

while it was hard to do, suga did in fact go slower and it almost hurt. but yeah.. he was good.

suga: “so you still wouldn’t let me have it then?”  
oikawa: “i would’ve used the full potential that situation had”  
suga: “which is..?”  
oikawa: “i’m sure your mouth feels hot and wet and it would probably drive me insane”  
oikawa: “but you’re good with your hands too, right?”  
oikawa: “and your saliva dripping out of your mouth with a bit of precum is a nice image in my head, however i think... it would be better all over your face”

koushi’s teeth dug into his lip as he moaned, a little louder this time. 

tooru was so fully aware that they both knew this wasn’t much of a personal situation. he would’ve probably done this with anyone if it had been anyone else, although suga was very cute and obeying.

suga: “can i go faster again?”  
suga: “please?”  
oikawa: “mhhhh do you deserve that?”  
suga: “i did everything you told me to”  
suga: “please, tooru”  
oikawa: “make an audio again and i’ll think about it”

his mind was so clogged from the desire to fasten up his pace, that he didn’t even think about it, whispering, half moaning so many soft and longing ‘please’ ‘s that he lost count.

his voice was so full of need that it set small electric shocks onto oikawa’s skin who was pretty close to losing his cool himself.

oikawa: “you can go faster again, baby”  
suga: “thank you.”  
oikawa: “fuck you’re so good”  
suga: “i love being good for you”  
suga: “i would’ve done so much more than just my best back then, nails digging into your thighs, looking up to you, all that”  
suga: “i would’ve enjoyed it”  
oikawa: “oh i like that thought”  
suga: “i was hoping you’d text that”  
oikawa: “are you close?”  
suga: “mhm”  
oikawa: “be a good boy and record it for me? at least the audio? i wanna hear your pretty moans”  
suga: “i’ll... okay.”  
oikawa: “good boy”

suga didn’t even dare to look as he opened his snapchat, he felt the warmth of his face creep down his neck, as precum spilled down his knuckles. he bit his lip, but it was impossible to surpress all the little moans he let out. having someone tell you what to do really was way more arousing than just doing it yourself. “fuck” he gasped out and subconsciously pressed his hips into his touch, feeling how close he was as his phone vibrated 

oikawa: “cum for me, baby”

that was it. even if he wanted to, he wasn’t able to hold it in now. shaking a little, he came half onto his not fully undressed boxers, still making sure it was visible in the video.  
heavily, he let out a sigh of relief, before making sure the video was sent to the right person and then letting his phone go, to once again relax onto his bed, closing his eyes.

oikawa: “take care of yourself now, yeah?”  
oikawa: “you were so good for me”


	2. chapter one//the party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “you know... i do like your clothes and yet..”  
> he leaned in to whisper into his ear   
> “you’d probably look better without them.”
> 
> that was the most generic flirting attempt ever and koushi was almost mad that it worked.. in some way
> 
> “how much did you drink?”  
> was all he managed to say back, gently holding onto his shoulders to avoid him backing off again. he really didn’t want anyone hearing what they were saying.
> 
> “enough to want you right now”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is BEFORE the prologue and it’s the events of mentioned party  
> i didn’t plan on making this into a fanfiction, but here we are.  
> also: this is an au i thought of ages ago and they’re 19!!:)

koushi’s eyes looked over the people. he hadn’t seen most of them in a while, but faces like wakatoshi, bokuto, kuroo and others were familiar of course. the only person he continued seeing sometimes was daichi, he was his crush after all. 

his head hurt from the mix of something he didn’t remember that he had choked down his throat earlier to get rid of the image of said crush making out with someone he did in fact not recognize.

he didn’t know why he came here. ‘let’s all make a party to see each other again!’ had never seemed like a great idea in the first place, not to him at least. it had only been a year since they had graduated so it’s not like there was much to catch up on, this was just an excuse to drink.

he just wished things were different, yet somehow, he never got over his stupid crush. his eyes were searching for the former wing spiker, but got stuck at someone else. oikawa tooru.

the color changing light made it hard to see, but he had some light brown or gold eyeshadow under his brown eyes that reflected the light perfectly. his cheeks were a light rosé-pink color, suga assumed that was the alcohol. he was wearing beige and green checkered high waisted pants, a dark red belt holding them perfectly to show a small line of his slightly tanned abs, before his white shirt that was tied together with a knot at the side started. around his neck was a silver necklace with something hanging from it, but the distance made it impossible to make out what it was. 

while suga was inspecting his collar bones that slightly showed through his shirt, he noticed his eyes staring back at him and that’s when he realized he had just been staring at him without moving for probably over a minute. 

cheeks flushed a deep red, he turned to the side and almost gagged as he threw down even more alcohol that was burning in his throat and tasted like perfume on his tongue so that he couldn’t help but squeeze his eyes a little.

“sugawara koushi”

goosebumps spread down his neck and he felt cold sweat run down his back.  
why was he reacting so heavily  
probably the alcohol  
and oikawa was pretty after all.

“oikawa tooru”

he crossed his arms and the other smirked  
“rivals at best, huh?”  
“oh please, i never saw you as my rival”  
“really? so you won’t accept my request to a wizarding dual?”  
he pouted and suga laughed  
“who are you? draco malfoy?”  
“wouldn’t you like to know, potter?”  
he spat the last name perfectly and sugawara started grinning.

“noticed your staring”  
“i wasn’t.. staring”  
“checking me out then?”  
“i was-“  
oikawa raised an eyebrow  
“i was just... inspecting... your outfit”  
“were you now? then what am i wearing?”

immediately, oikawa put his hand onto suga’s eyes, who swallowed.

“white shirt that’s tied at the side, beige green jeans, red belt, silver necklace and brown- no, gold. golden eyeshadow under your eyes... also doc martens...”  
“impressive.”  
he put his hand away again and that’s when suga checked what was on his necklace. a small snake with a diamond on it that was probably fake.  
“so you really only checked my outfit then?”  
“your face too i guess”  
“you guess?”  
he laughed  
“well do you like the outfit?”  
“mh... you look very...”  
“gay?”  
“yeah”  
“good.”

suga smiled. although he had to admit they had some undertone of a rivalry before, he had always admired his confidence.

“so what to you think of my outfit then?”  
oikawa scanned him up and down very slowly and it could be his imagination, but his gaze was stuck at his crotch for a little too long.  
flustered, he continued to follow his eyes gazing over his neck and then into his own.

“i like it. very basic to wear black jeans and a graphic shirt, however i like your socks and the maroon collar brings out your eyes... however you look very straight”  
suga giggled at that  
“bisexual. maybe it’s that”  
“makes sense... was hoping you’d say that”  
“oh?”

where was this going with this?

“you know... i do like your clothes and yet..”  
he leaned in to whisper into his ear  
“you’d probably look better without them.”

that was the most generic flirting attempt ever and koushi was almost mad that it worked.. in some way

“how much did you drink?”  
was all he managed to say back, gently holding onto his shoulders to avoid him backing off again. he really didn’t want anyone hearing what they were saying.

“enough to want you right now”  
“oika-“  
“stick to tooru.”  
“tooru... i don’t- think this is appropriate”  
“you don’t think it’s appropriate that i wanna make out with you right now? kiss all the way down your neck... expose your chest... make you whine at my touch..”

to suppress any kind of noise, suga bit deep into his lip.

“to... touch you.”  
he kissed below his ear  
“taste you... let you taste me maybe.”  
his hands wandered from his hips to his ass in a split second and suga couldn’t help but gasp  
“if you want to of course.. consent is key.”  
“....”  
he couldn’t deny that this was turning him on right now, tooru was good with his hands. with his words too. and the alcohol crossed out the fact that he was incredibly inexperienced and unkissed.  
“you don’t have to of course”  
the slightly taller male, backed off a little, but suga held him closer almost immediately  
“...i want to.... please”  
now tooru was the one gasping, but immediately got back to his smirk.

“bathroom?”  
“mhm.....”  
“wanna say please again?”  
oikawa smirked as his cheeks turned red  
“can... we please go into the bathroom?”  
“sure thing, loverboy~”

gently, oikawa grabbed his slightly sweaty hand, before pulling him away.  
he bumped into someone he didn’t recognize, but mumbled an apology, deciding to ignore the people looking at them as he was pulled into a bathroom, way too fast for his drunk brain to recognize where exactly they even went.  
pressed against the white and semi cold tiles he was now watching oikawa lock the door and coming closer, gently pressing his lips to his cheek, then down his neck.  
and fuck, it felt so good.  
when he touched all over him, feeling down his chest, roughly grabbing his pretty obvious erection, making suga moan in pleasure without even recognizing it.  
but that’s not... what he wanted right now  
he wanted him  
as oikawa was gently biting into his neck, he softly pushed him away  
his eyes met his own, overdriven with lust koushi really wanted to kiss him right now, but the little bit of consciousness he had left told him that maybe he shouldn’t have his first kiss in a public bathroom with tooru oikawa.... but somehow he didn’t feel the same energy about sucking him off which... he really wanted to do right now.  
“what do you want, baby?”  
oh, suga wanted to say so much right now, but it all sounded so.. dirty.  
but... he was kind of drunk... so....  
“can i suck your dick?”  
for a second, suga thought oikawa was gonna pull away, turn around and leave, but then he started smirking as he leaned closer again  
“beg for it”  
somehow, that was exactly what koushi had been waiting for.  
“please....? please, tooru”  
“mh... very tempting... go on.”  
“i-i... tooru.”  
he looked into his eyes  
“please.”  
tooru’s erection almost hurt.  
“what do you want, koushi?”  
“i-i told you before”  
“say it again then”  
he breathed out  
“please let me suck you off. i’ll... do anything. please, tooru.”  
“fuck”  
tooru breathed out, he was sure he’d never been this aroused while still being drunk, but suga’s determined eyes were really clear as he pushed him to his knees.  
he basically felt his dick pulsating, eager to be freed from his trousers that felt way too tight now.  
with his delicate fingers, koushi fumbled with the red belt, a little frustrated when it didn’t immediately open.  
oikawa let his hand go through his hair  
“you seem eager”  
“i am. very.”  
koushi stated as his eyes looked up for a while and just as he was about to open the button of his pants, the general door opened.  
both of them freezed immediately as whoever got into the bathroom called out oikawa’s name.  
sugawara stood up in an instant and after being in shock for a while oikawa fumbled with his belt to close it again.

and then the friction fell  
suga just realized what almost happened and when the random person just left the bathroom he left as well, leaving oikawa frustrated.  
he locked the door again and looked down to his pants.  
on a scale from 1-10, ten being the most obvious his boner was a confident 12  
defeated he locked the bathroom again  
“damn you, koushi”  
he reopened the belt and this time the button was opened as well, looking down he sighed again  
why did it have to be ruined like that?  
but he wasn’t about to go out to search for anyone else who’d be down to suck him off right now, not with that much of a boner that he wanted to get rid of as soon as possible  
immediately he started stroking pretty fast, it wasn’t fun like that, but since the tension was cut there was nothing else left to do.  
sucked that he had to do it without porn tho.  
that’s when the image of suga popped up in his head, how he looked at him with such glassy eyes, squirmed under his touch, his gasps, his moans, his-  
“fuck”  
he disrupted his own thoughts, he could stop here and then and then start again to make it more fun, but it was like his hand was moving on it’s own as he imagined what could’ve happened, how good his mouth could’ve been, how he would’ve fucked his throat, how his hands would’ve gripped at his hair, came into his face.  
“koushi..”  
it was muffled and a low grunt so even if anyone would’ve entered the bathroom again, they wouldn’t have understood.  
his mind drifted off again as he started thinking of what what suga could be doing right now.. or later. how his moans would sound when he touched himself, how he’d do it. if he was just gonna go to another bathroom or maybe he lived close and went home. if he’d go as far as to do it in a taxi..? maybe his own car would be more accurate.  
another low moan left his mouth, but now he really didn’t want to stop thinking.  
thinking of suga touching himself for him. looking at him while he did it. he thought of him in his bed, how he’d beg to be relieved, how he’d look at him again, beg him to fuck him, maybe. how he’d be there just for him, surrendering himself, obeying at everything he asked. oh god... how would actual sex with him be like? romantic, probably, he seemed like the type to take it slow, but with a clear though in his mind. how hot would he be if-  
“ahh~”  
his knees were shaking a little as he came in light spurts half onto the toilet, but he could care less. he pressed the back of his head against the door, breathing heavily into the emptiness of the room.

did he really just imagine suga while jerking off?  
that was... odd.  
normally it would’ve been his so close yet so far crush iwaizumi, even while having quickies in the bathroom of a shitty party, even when he was the one who was receiving.

‘probably just because we couldn’t finish it’ is how he wrote it off before grabbing his pants up again, closing the belt around his waist and after a last look to the bathroom stall that no one else would probably use now... at least today, he left to go outside again, letting the warm air hit before searching whoever had searched him before.

he wished it could’ve stayed that way. he wished he could’ve just let it go then, but it somehow didn’t leave his mind.

not the morning after, when his head was pounding.  
he looked through his phone to go through snapchat stories of being drunk and not caring, looked through the pictures of random people making out and trying to find out who it was. he saw tendou and some very dark blue haired male? maybe purple. he looked like a second year tho.. technically not allowed but he was sure no one cared yesterday.

he saw some random guy being more than drunk with someone he remembered as asahi, but he wasn’t sure about it, then he saw daichi and that’s when it clicked.

sugawara koushi.

he almost got his dick sucked by sugawara koushi.

oh fuck... somehow that made him feel things again.

but he wasn’t about to deal with another boner, not with his head still feeling all mushy and definitely not with the thought of sugawara...... did he really beg last night?  
oh god, he did....  
and he liked it....  
wanted to hear it again....  
shit.

no, think of something else, think of iwaizumi for fucks sake that’s the person you like you stupid idiot.

“ughhhhhhhhh”

he groaned into his pillow, still so frustrated. they should’ve just finished it, fuck whoever entered and called out his name he would’ve let him suck his dick in front of everyone in that stupid party if that meant he’d stop having this ridiculous need of getting a blowjob from no other than koushi!  
who used to be his rival!  
who was untouchable!  
and probably liked daichi-  
wait but he liked iwaizumi so that wasn’t a problem... right?  
whatever. didn’t make him less untouchable for him which only made him want it more.  
he wanted it that night, both of them did.  
suga could’ve faked the begging, but he couldn’t have faked the longing look in his eyes, the pure want and lust in them.

and there he was again: a boner. fuck.

one week later and tooru still found himself frustrated. he wanted him so bad right now, but there was no way he could get it! like what was he gonna do? turn up at wherever his apartment is and go: ‘yooo koushi remember when that person walked into the bathroom and interrupted us while you were about to probably give me the best blowjob in my life with your pink tongue and your glassy eyes and your gentle begs for more and-‘  
no he wasn’t gonna do that.  
that wasn’t just immoral that was also low. too low for him at least. he wasn’t that desperate... but he was.

two weeks and after masturbating to the thought of his dick in suga’s mouth for the sixth time now, he was very sure this wasn’t gonna stop. damn him and his stupid needs.  
he even tried porn to at least do it do something else, but the actor in it reminded him so much of koushi that he just couldn’t help to imagine his stupid cute little face with cum all over it again. and god, it frustrated him. so much. 

three weeks. three fucking weeks.  
the look on his face was still burned into his memory and when he really concentrated on it, he could feel how the tension had left goosebumps all over his skin back then.  
there wasn’t even anyone he could discuss this with! he wasn’t about to tell iwaizumi who just wouldn’t understand, because he’d have to leave out that actually iwaizumi was normally the person he wanted to get a blowjob from.. or give a blowjob to... whatever.  
this was just based on unsolved tension and yet that didn’t frustrate him any less.

four full weeks. at this point he even tried getting someone else to suck him off, but after spending a good five minutes to search for some random guy to be drunk enough to do it in a bathroom with him, he didn’t even get hard until thinking of suga and even then said guy was apparently too drunk and not only did he not finish the job it was also way less... electrical. there was no begging which usually, he didn’t mind, but there was also no eye contact, he wasn’t eager to do it, no tension. he just walked out and then when he got home did it himself in the bathroom making that a proud 15 times of jacking off to sugawara koushi. someone he met like what? three times in his life? dammit he didn’t even know that guy! for fucks sake.

four weeks and three days and oikawa had enough. he had enough of it, it was time to come clear.  
he wasn’t gonna stop thinking of white grey-ish hair, big caramel eyes and a gentle, yet longing voice while jacking off any time soon if he wouldn’t get what he wanted.  
however turning up at his apartment was a bit too much, not to even speak of the fact that he by god didn’t know his address and wasn’t about to look it up either.  
he did however possess his number from the group chat they had made for the party so.. sexting it was.  
he’d done this before with random people who just happened to be horny as well, but right now he felt... nervous.  
he really wanted this.  
he couldn’t fuck this up.  
no way.  
“damn you, suga.”  
he cursed out for the millionth time before hitting send

oikawa: “hey, sugar~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comment if you liked it otherwise i might lose my motivation for this, because i usually don’t write nsfw okay siwnsjsk uhh yeah! have a great day and thank you for reading.


	3. 2//kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “you’ve already been good today, but....”
> 
> he made a clicking sound with his tongue
> 
> “think you can give me two?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the sweet comments it’s really the only thing keeping this going right now jsnakaks i really write 4 hours a day for this to be finished quickly, but i couldn’t get the motivation to do that without any kind of support <3  
> i’m glad people are reading and liking this!  
> have a great day<333  
> also please don’t hate daichi lmao

“what the fuuuuuuuuck”  
is what suga groaned, his face submerged into his pillow.  
he really just sexted oikawa and send him a video of him- oh god.  
he could use that as blackmail jesus christ what had he been thinking this is ridiculous he actually- and the audio.   
another scream into the pillow, although he wasn’t quite sure if the frustration was wanting more or if it was just sheer anger at himself for being so unbelievably stupid.

a few hours later and suga really tried his best to suppress the fact that he had sexted a basically random person while liking someone else.  
but that was mutual. tooru liked someone else too. it’s fine.

that’s when his phone buzzed, as if he had read his mind, it was daichi.  
“hey, daichi”  
he really tried to sound like he hadn’t been waiting for this, to hear his voice again...  
“suga! yo what are you doing right now? can you talk?”  
“yeah yeah all good. i’m at my mom’s but she texted that she’ll be gone until 8 which basically means i was planning on leaving right now, but if you wanna talk-“  
“oh! wait i can totally get you from there to your apartment.”  
“really?”  
the excitement in his voice was pretty obvious, but he just couldn’t help it.  
“yeah sure give me 20 minutes?”  
“of course”  
“see you then”  
“yup!!”

that’s when the thought of oikawa and what had happened was gone. poof.   
the power of daichi.

nineteen minutes later and suga stood in front of the door, he had gone through his hair at least a billion times and checked how he’d smile at him, when he rang the bell and he had to open the door.

twenty minutes  
twenty one   
twenty two  
twenty three  
twenty four  
twenty five

suga got himself and apple

thirty.  
thirty one  
thirty two  
thirty three  
thirty three and a half  
thirty four  
thirty five...

apple had been eaten.

thirty six...  
thirty seven....  
thirty eight  
thirty nine

if he was unlucky, his mom would come home before daichi would and he wouldn’t have an excuse on why he’d just been in the hallway 

forty   
forty one...  
and a quarter....  
and a half..  
and-

the buzz of the doorbell made him shiver, but he opened the door with a bright smile

“hey!”  
“hi, sorry for taking so long i-“  
“it’s okay!! it’s okay don’t worry.”  
he smiled and daichi nodded  
“got everything?”  
“yup! we can go.”

the cold air hit him like a brick as he stepped outside, but he didn’t do more than scrunch his nose, although deep inside he wanted daichi to notice and ask if he wanted his jacket, but that was stupid.

“sooo you wanted to talk?”  
“mh? oh yeah!”  
“what’s up then?”

suga smiled, he had to look up a little so see into his eyes that had him mesmerized for so long now.

“i... think i like someone?”

oh no. koushi’s stomach twisted and he coughed before quickly calming down 

“really? that’s great! who is it?”  
“uhm... i think this is easier if i don’t tell you, is that okay?”  
“huh? okay, sure.”  
“i just- need your advice”  
“my advice? daichi i haven’t dated since middle school”

he giggled and daichi smirked

“i know, but you’re smart... usually”  
“excuse me!”

he hit his shoulder and he started laughing.  
it echoed through the empty streets, only lit by a few light sources, making it hard to see exactly where you were going.

“okay so... i don’t know how to ask them out”  
“what are they like?”  
“uhhhh... nice? kind? kind of aggressive sometimes”

a wrinkle appeared on suga’s face as he started thinking.

“be direct then.”  
“huh?”  
“just go: ‘hey... whatever they name is, would you mind going on a date some time?’ and then tadaaa you’ll see if they like you back or not and you got yourself a date-“  
“or not?! what do i do if they don’t like me back??”  
“you... live on? i don’t know. just a crush right?”  
“i mean... yeah, but ouch”

suga giggled 

“have you never been rejected?”  
“well- no... never asked someone out”  
“you don’t need to ask someone out to be rejected. rejection is very silent and hurtful and hurts even more when the person rejecting you doesn’t even realize it.”  
“... sounds depressing. but i don’t get it. how can someone reject someone else silently?”

he cursed himself for even bringing it up. how was he gonna say something that wasn’t oddly specific now?

“like... say you like someone. and if they keep calling you ‘friend’ an unnecessary amount of times they’re silently friendzoning you. or... they get a partner. silent rejection. maybe they just aren’t interested in you as well and keep saying things like ‘sorry what? i wasn’t listening’ or just never remember anything you tell them you know? ooooor you confess with something a little vague like ‘i love you!’ and they go ‘oh my god i love you too you’re my best friend’.”  
“that’s brutal”

daichi commented and sighed

“i don’t think i’ve been silently rejected”  
“good for you then”  
“but that just scares me more now! what if they go ‘no’? what do i say?”  
“you say ‘oh cool! no pressure that’s fine’ and then either continue to be friends or you stop talking, because all you wanted was to date them”  
“huh.... see, you are good at this! i knew it”

koushi rolled his eyes, laughing.

“i just told you how rejection works you idiot.”  
“yeah and? it helped! i’m prepared now”  
“pfft alright then i’m glad.”

daichi smiled while ruffling his hair and for a split second suga felt like he was in high school again.  
he though of the lights in the gym and how they’d always sleep next to each other during training camps. he though of noya waking them up at the crack of dawn, hinata and kageyama having endless fights, before later making out in ‘secret’, but everyone knew.  
how the lights had always reflected in their opponents eyes, making them seem even more intimidating, yet that always made the victory more relieving, made his skin burn and let him smile bright.  
he thought about tsukishima’s cursing and yamaguchi laughing at his stupid jokes, he thought of how perfect their block was and he thought about the pining eyes of tadashi that had always reminded him of himself.  
images flashed of asahi looking at noya, while he looked at kiyoko, who was stared at by tanaka.  
and just as he was about to start thinking about anything else that seemed to be burned into his brain, daichi started shaking him by his shoulders

“you there?”  
“y-yeah... sorry”

he laughed it off.  
oh, how bitter his life had turned since then. a lot could happen in a year like isolating yourself from basically everyone and not bothering to find other people to talk to, because you feel like you’ve peaked in high school and that was it now.

“anyways i was saying: do you think flowers are a good idea?”  
“no. don’t do flowers. that’s awkward if they reject you and a little too much for just asking for a date”  
“oh... i see. alright then.”  
“yeah”

a silence took over and slowly this began to feel awkward. very awkward at that.

“uh... so are you gonna tell me who it is?”  
“remember michimiya?”

if suga would say that even for a second he’d hoped that maybe, his own name would come out of his mouth, he’d lie. he lost hope to ever date the untouchable ever since... well. high school ended. and yet, he couldn’t let go.

“she’s nice! and she likes you back. i think you’re good.”  
“thank you”

daichi scratched the back of his neck and suga smiled encouragingly.

“actually- i know i said i was gonna walk you home, but uhhh...”  
“all good. i’ll see you soon then?”  
“yeah.. see you, suga”

and he left.  
footsteps descending, koushi swallowed.  
he’d been turned down countless of times, but if daichi liked michimiya that meant they were gonna date, because said girl liked him ever since suga knew her, she was just more obvious about it. 

it was no use being sad over this, he didn’t allow himself to cry over it again. it was stupid-

“oh my god, i’m sorry-”

he’d bumped into something or well.. someone.   
looking up from the ground his eyes went wide.

oikawa tooru.

“well, that position brings up memories, huh?”

he held out his hand and with a mix of confusion and embarrassment, koushi took said hand to stand up, but oikawa pulled him with a little too much energy, leaving only a few inches between them. quickly, oikawa looked around before still whispering into his ear

“you’ve already been good today, but....”

he made a clicking sound with his tongue

“think you can give me two?”

a shiver went down suga’s spine and a fade blush started spreading onto his cheeks.  
it was almost scary how fast he could bring up the atmosphere again, that they’d lost so quickly before.

“because you know... even if you did a really good job today, i still can’t get your mouth out of my mi-“  
“before i give you a blowjob in the middle of a street can we please enter my apartment?”

tooru chuckled

“lead the way, gorgeous”

and so he did, very happy that the way from here was only a good minute.  
in that minute, his mind started spinning so much it almost made him sick.  
how did he go from just walking home to most definitely end up giving him a blowjob now in less than a minute?

as suga was fumbling with his keys, oikawa felt more than glad that he had decided to take a walk instead of going to bed already.  
maybe this was gonna stop the more than weekly jacking off to him, because he’d finally get what he’d been waiting for.

his mind spaced out for a while, before he found himself pushed into what seemed to be suga’s apartment, white walls and a light brown carpet. a smell of flowers filled his nose, but he couldn’t make out what kind of flowers.  
respectfully, he put his shoes onto the ground neatly and watched as koushi walked into the kitchen.

“do you want tea?”  
“are you really gonna make me wait even longer now?”

his voice was almost whiny when he said it, but he walked into the kitchen.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about”

and he said that so convincingly, that tooru could’ve believed it, if it wasn’t for the small smirk that most definitely confirmed he was teasing him right now. but tooru wasn’t gonna let himself be teased. the second suga looked at the teabags, he let his arms wrap around him, playing with the hem of his shirt, before letting his cold fingers, trace over the others torso, leaving behind goosebumps.

“maybe, you should stop teasing me, because i have all the time in the world right now and i’m very sure you’ll be eager for me in no time... although you probably already are”

he left gentle kisses onto his neck as he started playing with his nipples, equally as gentle. suga melted into the touch, softly moaning into the silence every once in a while, as tooru kissed behind his ear, then turned him around by his hips, his hands still on the bare skin of the other. just as he was leaning in, koushi put a hand onto his mouth.

“no kisses on the mouth.”

his left eyebrow went up in confusion, but he wasn’t going to question it or do anything he didn’t want to, yet suga explained with something that wasn’t even a full lie.

“kissing on the mouth is a romantic action and this is... s-sexual. i wanna separate that.”

he let his hand fall down from tooru’s mouth again, who nodded.

“any other boundaries?”  
“...not really. just- when i say no that’s a no”  
“of course... so... have i been on your mind?”  
“maybe...”  
“dreamt about sucking me off?”

again, suga blushed. this wasn’t much different from when he’d been tipsy and yet his mind was much more clear and he felt like he had no excuse to do this right now, except for maybe, the boner in his pants.

with careful movement, oikawa let his hands run over to his neck.

“do you still want it?”

without a thought or any sense of a doubt, suga nodded, basically just waiting to be pushed to his knees.  
but tooru wasn’t gonna let him get it this easily.

“ask for it”  
“tooru...”  
“yeah? i cant just let you have something you didn’t even ask for”  
“i- ... please?”

koushi looked up into his eyes, his heart beating a little faster then it had the month before. maybe, because subconsciously he had been waiting to finish this or maybe, because he was more aware of the situation now, the increased heartbeat of the other, that was very clear by his sped up breathing, the light sweat running down the side of his face, longing eyes staring back at him.

“please, tooru.”

carefully, his fingers found their way down to his pants, no belt this time.  
as he traced over the others erection, tooru really had to hold in a gasp.

“please.. i’m literally begging you, tooru please please please.”

his voice was basically leaking desperation and it made tooru’s skin burn with anticipation. he felt goosebumps over his back and maybe he was enjoying this a little too much and he couldn’t explain how this had turned from what started as a rushed attempt to get an adrenaline rush in a public bathroom, to frustration for a month and then not only sexting, but now being in his apartment, in his kitchen and that with no need for any kind of rush anymore, except for his need to finally get what he wanted all those weeks.

“one more time..?”

koushi smirked as he leaned in a bit, still holding eye contact.

“tooru... please”

even if this was crazy in its own way, there was no way he could’ve held back from pushing down his shoulders and now have the other kneeling in front of him.  
the position on itself made tingles travel down his stomach, as he stroked through his hair.  
with care, koushi’s hands opened the two buttons of his pants, before taking in the zipper with his teeth and slowly pulling it downwards, before pushing down his pants with his hands, that ended up being awkwardly around his ankles now, but he didn’t mind.

suga took his time. planting a kiss just over his boxers, before looking up with such an innocent face, that he almost felt like he could’ve read the situation wrong, but he obviously did not.  
with his hands on tooru’s thighs, suga continued to kiss the elastic of it, until then kissing exactly where his very obvious boner was, making him rock hard.

“can i... please?”

he didn’t even have to specify, oikawa just nodded as he pulled them down to his ankles as well, tracing his fingers upward again, as he was done.   
so slow that it almost hurt, he let his tongue lick over it, before then kissing tip.

normally, that’s when tooru would look away, but instead he let his one thumb trace over his cheekbone, the other one still in his hair, having to hold back from immediately thrusting into his mouth.

because as much as suga was doing an overly good job, the slight hint of uncertainty in his eyes gave away that he hadn’t done this before or at least wasn’t used to just.. doing it.  
he didn’t mind of course, because as mentioned he was doing absolutely amazing and it wasn’t just the fact that oikawa had ached for him.

the pure satisfaction he got as suga let his lips slip over his dick and made a light gagging sound as it hit his throat over-toned the fact that he had yet to think of the consequences of this.

as he let it slip out of his mouth again, he let his tongue swirl around it, before lightly sucking at it and going a little deeper then before.

tooru had to lean onto the table, his fingers so perfectly curled up in his hair that he could hypothetically easily move his head, but he wasn’t going to. not now at least.  
he wanted koushi to test the waters first, see how far he’d go on his own and he also didn’t want to overstep any lines.

again, it was hard for suga to keep himself from gagging, his throat closing a little as tears dared to sting in his eyes.

“you don’t have t-“  
“no. i want to.”

the words came out a little less clear then anticipated, but the light vibrations against his cock made oikawa moan deeply, almost a grunt.

“i want this so bad”

suga underlined his former statement, this time a little clearer, saliva dripping down his mouth as he sucked him in again, all the way this time, ignoring the hot tears running down his cheeks, bobbing his head up and down, leaving behind only wet slurping sounds that filled the room with a few subconscious moans from oikawa.

his fingers were still tight in his hair and as suga sank down on him once more, he guided his head to be a little faster, making koushi moan himself as he gripped at his thighs a little deeper, yet not to a point where it hurt it just felt really really good.

suga found he probably liked this a little too much, letting himself be guided and yet careful to still make it feel good. he could taste the light saltiness as he felt precum dripping into his throat. to avoid coughing, he swallowed and that made tooru feel like he was absolutely going insane of the pleasure he was getting out of this.

feeling himself being a little closer with every time he made suga take him in, but resisting to actually thrust into his throat, which really wasn’t a problem as suga somehow seemed to know how to make it feel twice as good as the usual amount he felt even without the thrill that maybe they could get caught.

maybe it was the lack of a rush or maybe it was that nothing in his house smelled like strong alcohol.

even if he had imagined this in his head before, reality was still so much better then just imaginations, no matter how much detail he had given them.

“fuck, koushi”

hearing him say his name like that, made suga’s heart beat a little faster, and his anticipation grew as he went a little faster while still looking up into his eyes.

yet, as soon as tooru found himself close enough, he yanked him back by his hair, a string of saliva still connecting him to his mouth, before it eventually broke down and was now dripping out of said mouth.

caramel eyes stared at him, then crossed a bit while looking down in front of his face, before koushi looked up again with a pleading look on his face.

“nope”

koushi grinned

“tooru~”

it was whiny and this time absolutely without any sense of a filter to hold himself back.  
tooru’s erection twitched, making it hard for himself to hold back any longer.

“just let me-“  
“no”

suga’s voice blurred into frustration the longer he held him back and he couldn’t help but adore the pout on his face.

“i told you before didn’t i?”

his right hand was now pushing back suga’s hair out of his slightly sweaty forehead and suga was so determined for any kind of instruction that he couldn’t help but smirk lightly as he gripped him by his hair again.

“i want it in your face.”

something in suga’s head clicked as he moved his hand from his thigh, upwards to trace over his abs a little and then close around his erection, beginning slow, a little too slow.

“come on, baby... don’t make me wait much longer”

without any trace of hesitation, suga started being faster, before pumping at the same pace he had sucked him off before, maybe even a little faster.

“good boy”

it was so low spoken and yet it made suga shiver, hearing it in person was so much more then just an audio recording, he went faster again, ignoring the slight pain of his wrist and how tiring it got, but tooru’s response by having to lean against the table a little more and closing his eyes at times made it so worth it.

“open your mouth”

it was so hard for oikawa to speak clearly between all the pleasure he was given and of course, suga obeyed, revealing his tongue a little as he positioned his face just in the right place.

“fuck- ah~ koushi~”

it was really taking the best of tooru to keep his eyes open as he watched hot cum splatter onto the others face, most of it landing in his mouth, slightly making it drip out, some of it dotted onto his cheek, missing his eyes by an inch.

he felt his legs lose a bit of their energy, making him use his one hand to hold himself up as suga swallowed it down, squeezing his eyes shut for half a second when it hit his slightly sore throat. gently, tooru stroked over his cheek to wipe the excess off with his thumb, that was then sucked into koushi’s mouth as well, he let his tongue flick around it, before swallowing that down as well.

“you were so good for me, baby”

the exhaustion in tooru’s voice was extremely visible and so gentle, suga pulled up both the boxer and his pants again, carefully closing the button, before standing up himself.  
that caused tooru too look down to the others erection, grabbing it through the washed out blue denim and smirking at the sound the slightly smaller male made.

he leaned to his ear once more, sucking at his neck a little, enjoying the gentle gasps, before planting a last kiss on the small hickey that he had created.

“you were so good for me... so good, but... one of us has to be left frustrated... otherwise we don’t have an excuse to continue this, right?”

he pressed onto him with his hand one last time before ultimately letting go

“i’ll see you around, koushi”

he half sang and koushi only actually realized when he heard the door shut that he was now left alone with a sore throat and a pulsating erection in his pants that he had to get rid of himself now.


	4. 3//shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “but you’re right.. i think? this is all so weird. i mean... he’s cute. very cute. and i wouldn’t mind a normal conversation, but the two times we did meet it was out of sexual frustration so maybe... i should actually talk to him?”  
> “the fact that you’ve made a logical conclusion for once in your life baffles me, but yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for the support and wow!!! look at that!! a chapter without smut✨ this was really refreshing to write

“if you invite me after you hooked up with someone one more time i swear i’m going to cut your throat open”

oikawa chuckled, before stepping aside to let iwaizumi into his apartment.  
it was 10pm, not exactly when he looked his best, but he felt like he needed to talk to someone about something to get his mind away from pink lips and glassy caramel eyes staring at him with desire.

“how’d you know?”

he asked and closed the door before sitting down on the couch with his childhood best friend.

“the look on your face.”  
“i could’ve just jacked off, dude”  
“no you look different when you’re actually... i’m not gonna say it”  
“am i that readable?”  
“like an open book”

tooru leaned back into his couch, his eyes focused on hajime.

“when were you going to tell me?”

the words stood clear in the room, a simple question and yet tooru didn’t know how to answer or what he was referring to. he sat up again, scanning his face of the person he had wanted for so long that he didn’t even remember when he first thought of him like that.

“tell you what? that i just got my dick su-“  
“don’t finish that sentence”

silence again, hajime’s eyes searched for his own, maybe for answers in them as he sat up as well. he had kept his hair short since forever, but a few strands were falling onto his forehead, making his hairline invisible and his eyebrows stand out.  
a light crease was in between his eyebrows, clearly he was waiting for an answer for something he hadn’t even asked a specific question to.

“when were you gonna tell me that you don’t love me anymore?”

tooru’s mouth was opened, before he closed it again. there was no way.

“i do love you? we’re best friends”  
“romantically, tooru. you stopped loving me romantically.”

he was very certain that he wasn’t all so shocked that hajime had eventually grasped onto the fact that he wanted to be romantically involved with him, but hearing him say it still made him shiver.

“would be news to me, iwa-chan”  
“i figured. you’re usually dense, which is why i’m telling you”  
“i think you’re wrong”  
“i’m not. you have loved me romantically since high school, right? it was the look on your face, the expression in your eyes. i never mentioned it, because i figured you knew i knew and i didn’t particularly feel the same so i wasn’t keen on embarrassing you or hurting your feelings”  
“my feelings are most certainly hurt now”

he said it more as a joke, trying to ignore the nervousness he felt. this wasn’t supposed to be a deep conversation about how much or since when he loved him. a sense of being uncomfortable creeped up his back.

“they are not. i’m telling you that you don’t see me like that anymore, haven’t seen me like that in... weeks. i cant tell you an exact day of course i just wanted to uh.. check in with you.”  
“i’m... but that- can’t be true. i’ve always liked you like that!”  
“i- yeah i know that, but you don’t anymore.”  
“you’re lying!”  
“tooru. i’m not.”

he went through his face with his hands, before going through his hair as well.

“i see this is new information for you. that’s why i’m telling you.”  
“i just- how... you’re trying to tell me i fell out of love with you in a month?”  
“i guess i am, yeah. it happens, i don’t see why you’re so... weird about this. unless... one month? that’s oddly specific. anyone else got your heart?”  
“why can you read me like that!”  
“you’re blatantly obvious. have always been.”  
“fuck”

how could hajime just be so- calm! so calm as if tooru’s world hadn’t just turned upside down.  
he felt like someone had punched him right into the stomach.

“fuck!”

hajime rolled his eyes, but what did he know? nothing! ...maybe too much.

“the person that... you know. is it them?”  
“can we- i’m... i’m confused.”  
“i see.”  
“can i just... tell you what happened and then you tell me what’s going on, because this is the most lost i’ve felt since i realized that i will probably never get a chance to meet aliens when i was 16.”  
“go on. tell me.”

once again, tooru looked into his eyes before looking away with a light blush. somehow telling him about this right now really made him wanna leave.

“i-“  
“and don’t lie while telling me.”  
“okay! fine... fine. so it started at the party..”  
“the one you dragged me to?”  
“yeah that one. i- do i name names?”  
“please do.”

somehow saying his name now was a bit harder then it was a few hours ago when suga had been- never mind.

“uhm... sugawara koushi... remember him? yeah.....”  
“you’re joking, right? from karasuno?”  
“i’m most certainly not joking”  
“jesus christ okay go on”  
“so... he was checking me out... and uhhh i went up to hiiiiim and theeeeen heeeee.... was like... hiiiii it’s me suga and i was like oh my god no way i’m oikawa-“  
“get to the point”  
“fine! fine. so uhm... i... was horny”  
“nothing new”  
“shut up. and uhm.. i don’t know i was drunk, but he was suddenly very eager and then we kind of... went into the bathroom and he uh... asked me if he could suck.. my dick. so i said yes and then i kind of... made him beg a little. anyways not the point, he was on his knees and staring at me with his beautiful eyes so strong of lus-“  
“tmi.”  
“ugh fine so he was on his knees and opened my belt-“  
“tooru.”  
“it’s important!! then someone came in and called for me apparently”  
“that was hanamaki”  
“damn that dude! anyways tension fell and so my dearest koushi left me alone and.. okay you asked for the whole story no lies so this is your fault. i masturbated to the thought of him which in general is pretty normal i mean i did almost get a blowjob, but whatever. anyways, i went home and all next day and i remember and get a damn boner again! and so i was like shit! because you know... i liked you... or thought i did? whatever! so uh yeah that happened again over the weeks literally every time i had a boner i was through the thought of him? i tried porn, but that didn’t work so i thought i was just sexually frustrated and got someone else to suck me off like last week, but he was so bad at it and then i just did it myself again. so then... i figured maybe it is indeed connected to koushi soooo i texted him... today. and it was uhm... good. i’m not giving you any details. so then later i bumped into him like a few hours ago, at 6-ish and then the tension was brought up again and we went to his apartment and he did in fact blow me and got pretty hard during that, buuut my brain didn’t wanna let him go so i turned the tables and left him the one to be sexually frustrated now and just... left him with his boner in his kitchen.”

hajime stared at him with something that looked like a mix of being slightly disgusted, a little confused and something he couldn’t read.

“has he texted you again?”  
“nope”  
“mh... that makes things weird...”  
“huh?”  
“from what you told me i’d put your behavior to just liking him for the sex or- blowjobs. whatever. however that doesn’t explain why your feelings for me.. disappeared. and you’re very sexual, but you usually difference romance and your sex life. you’ve had countless of sex while loving me which is... obviously totally fine, again, no mutual feelings. however it’s odd that sugawara has made such an impact when your feelings are only sexual.”  
“you talk so smaaaaart”

tooru groaned and hajime sighed

“but you’re right.. i think? this is all so weird. i mean... he’s cute. very cute. and i wouldn’t mind a normal conversation, but the two times we did meet it was out of sexual frustration so maybe... i should actually talk to him?”  
“the fact that you’ve made a logical conclusion for once in your life baffles me, but yes.”  
“iwa-chaaaan”

and then it felt normal again. whiny tooru and mean hajime. just... without one sided romantic feelings. and it felt good.

not so good felt suga, about four hours before, staring at the door. he let his finger slip over his lips. he really just sucked off tooru oikawa.

looking down at his erection that was incredibly obvious even if he was wearing mom jeans, he couldn’t help but cringe a little, because with tooru fell the atmosphere and now his body was horny, but his brain wasn’t. 

he made his way into the bathroom, looking into the mirror and feeling goosebumps down his spine. you could definitely tell what he had just done. after shoving some water through his face, getting rid of the sweat and well.. yeah. he felt a little better.

the sound of the water droplets in his sink made him feel a little calmer. he wasn’t exactly mad that it had happened, it was... normal after all. he was just a little confused that it had really been oikawa and maybe he was a little embarrassed as well, cursing out as his erection slightly shifted in his pants, while he was drying his face with his towel.

his eyes were a little bit irritated from the crying, but he didn’t really mind. 

“oikawa tooru. damn you.”

yeah, right, suga. damn him and his stupid symmetrical face with the usual light eyeliner and a natural faded peach blush on his cheeks. damn his soft eyes and his perfect hands. oh god, his hands... koushi had never seen such perfect hands. and they fit so perfect into his hair or into his own like his lips felt perfect on his neck and he was so good at just... being perfect.

subconsciously, suga’s hand had wandered down to his pants, but he immediately held back again. absolutely not. 

he bit his lip and swalloed, a shiver on his back at the slight pain in his throat. damn oikawa tooru.

—

tooru really wanted to curse himself. he was stood outside suga’s apartment complex and suga hadn’t even texted him since yesterday. he knew this was stupid and if hajime could see him he’d probably bonk him on the head, but now there wasn’t really a way to o back, he had pressed the bell five seconds ago, counting and promising he’d leave if suga would take longer then a minute. 

“hello?”

his voice sounded raspy through the small device

“hi~ it’s me”

oikawa was very close to just running away now. why didn’t he just say his name? the possibility of sugawara just not knowing who he is was a bit too big now.

“tooru. it’s tooru”  
“yeah i- .. i know.”

the door gave the typical ear straining sound and oikawa was very glad that he somehow even remembered his address from just being here once.

looking at koushi caused him to regret coming here once more, because fuck was he cute. nothing and absolutely no one could’ve prepared him for seeing his somewhat crush or friends with benefits... friend in shorts and a large shirt. nothing.

“sorry did i wake you?”

koushi shook his head as he stepped aside to let the other go in, before closing the door behind him.

“almost.. i woke up five minutes ago and was about to shower”

he looked up a little to look into tooru’s eyes, before he smiled, the lack of sleep being pretty obvious. that’s when tooru realized there was no excuse to even come here, unless he wanted to get suga off somehow, but this was supposed to be sfw.

“i could help you with that”

a deep blush tinted koushi’s cheeks as he had to look away again out of being flustered.

“i mean-“

only now, oikawa realized what he had said.

“we don’t have to... you know. but i did blue ball you yesterday and i’d be pretty good at making you feel like you had a full night of sleep without any hint of being sexual... if that’s what you want.”

‘because that’s what you deserve’ is something he wanted to add to his former statement, but he let it be. he was so scared of messing this up and he didn’t even know exactly what he was doing. he didn’t even know if he actually had somewhat of a crush on him and he also didn’t know if he could stand seeing him naked with water dripping from his hair without getting somewhat aroused.

“uhm... okay”

is all koushi managed to say even if he wasn’t sure if this went into the direction he wanted it to. making it not sexual meant what? making it romantic? it made his head spin. how could he mean it romantically? he stated they both liked someone else! 

he would’ve probably given this another thought if it wasn’t for the fact that this was oikawa and it was very hard to say no to him with such a smile he had on his face and he also really wanted to shower.

“alright then.. lead the way!”

his bathroom smelled like lemon grass and sweet apples, but not in a chemical way. a little lost, koushi’s eyes found his own again.

very carefully, tooru put his hands onto the others waist, this would be much easier if he could kiss him, but he accepted boundaries. as hard to admit as it was, suga felt his heart beating a little faster with every second. he could feel tooru’s breathing near his ear as he kissed his head, letting his hands travel up his slight abs he had from going to the gym, because he really had nothing better to do. when his hands were high enough, he pulled the shirt over his head and pulled him in to kiss his forehead, while tracing down his arms and putting the shirt down.

not wanting to just just stand there, koushi started sliding his fingers along the front of the others jeans and then quickly opening the button, the more or less unpleasant noises of the zipper being opened echoing off the tiles as well as clothes ruffling a little. of course, tooru helped, as he stepped out of it, before putting said pants down as well.

his delicate fingers traced up koushi’s smooth legs, leaving behind slight goosebumps, before he tucked at his black velvet shorts as a tease, then opened the bow and pushed them down in a gentle, yet quick movement and letting him step out of the shorts.

“unfair... you’re wearing two things”

suga mumbled, but went in between the white shirt and the very washed out seijoh hoodie, before folding it and putting it to the other clothes.

“i’ll do it for you then”

tooru crossed his arms to grab the hem of his shirt and pulled it off in less then three seconds which now left both of them in only their boxers.

“i promise i won’t look!”

koushi had to giggle at that and it immediately broke the slightly awkward moment, but he got out of his boxers and didn’t watch as tooru did the same.

“i hope you shower warm” 

he commented and stepped into his own shower, the other following. he looked even more taller than he actually was when he was right in front of him, it was a perfect angle to look into his eyes and see his very full eyelashes, suga wondered if they were extensions.

he remembered the game they had once played against aobajohsai, the tension he felt while looking into his eyes back then. the pure sensation that had burned on his skin, the sparkle that was in his eyes. he remembered how a weight had been lifted from his heart as they won as well as the tears from the other team.

reluctantly he pushed away the thought and started the water, flinching as the cold droplets hit his skin that had began to heat up from tooru’s touch.

out of pure habit, oikawa pulled him a little closer, arms leaning casually onto his shoulders. again, he really wanted to kiss him right now, but that wasn’t right. instead, his gaze shifted to the side, reading the labels on suga’s bottles, being in no way surprised when it was either rose or lemon tinted, because that was exactly what suga usually smelt like, although his natural scent was more of a caramel tone, maybe almonds. almonds with caramel? whatever.

he grabbed the shampoo, before putting some of it into his hand, closing it again and then tilting suga’s head back as he put both of his hands into his hair, gently beginning to massage his scalp with his fingers.

koushi relaxed at the touch, almost melted into it. he closed his eyes concentrating on the movement, with how much care he did it.

“you know i was never fully satisfied with our win in high school”

his voice was down, so much more gentle than usual and yet tooru’s right hand twitched thinking back of it. 

“why is that?”

he asked, making sure to be loud enough to overtone the water that hit the floor of the shower.

“the look on your face.”

visibly, suga swallowed.

“you know normally, the opposite team just cries and all, but... you looked so defeated. i was so happy we had won, but your expression broke a small part of my heart.”

tooru remembered. he remembered the pain he had felt and how he referred to suga as ‘mr refreshing’.

“but you played so well. the win was deserved”  
“i know... still. i felt like i broke your dreams in front of your eyes... it was worse than shiratorizawa and tendou’s ‘goodbye paradise’, because although you were crying very visibly, your pain still felt really silent to me... sorry i don’t know why i started analyzing our high school volleyball game..”  
“...i watched your game against shiratorizawa”

koushi opened his eyes again

“you did?”  
“i did. it kind of... hurt. i wanted to be the one playing and i wanted you both to lose and yet... seeing you win somehow made me feel a little better back then.”

with care, suga caressed his cheek.

“i’m glad then.”  
“i hope i can fix the small heartbreak i caused you”

he hadn’t meant it to sound that romantic, in a way, but he did mean it. suga’s cheeks heated up again as tooru now massaged conditioner into his hair.

“have you ever dated someone?”

tooru breathed out and almost reacted with a head movement, before realizing suga’s eyes were closed again.

“not really... but i’m sexually active if that’s what you’re asking”  
“i knew the second part...”  
“have you?”  
“huh?”  
“ever dated someone?”  
“not really... for a week in middle school and that’s it.”  
“what about the sexually active part?”

silence for a while, before koushi swallowed. his knees still hurt from the day before and he wasn’t prepared for his tongue hurting as well.

“you......... are the only person i have sexually engaged with”

tooru had almost dropped dead to the floor.   
holy shit.  
holy fucking shit.

“it’s no big deal”

suga mumbled, a little embarrassed and almost regretted not just lying to him.

“it’s- yes it is! and it was almost in a bathroom as well i-“  
“stop. stop making it seem like it was a big deal. it’s fine! i wanted it! there’s no problem”  
“but if i knew i wouldn’t have- i would’ve taken care of you better!”  
“tooru. shut up. i liked it and it’s okay.”

he breathed out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. somehow that made things way more complicated then they actually were so he decided not to fuel the situation even more.

“well... for that being your first time ever doing.. that, it was really fucking good.”  
“don’t flatter me now-“  
“i’m not! well... i am? but it’s true. i wasn’t lying when i said i thought about it for the whole month after it and you still exceeded expectations”  
“you imagined me sucking your dick?”  
“i- don’t say it like that... but yeah...”  
“makes two of us then.”

but actually, tooru hadn’t meant to lead the conversation into a sexual theme again, so he kissed his forehead

“you’re cute”

in an instant, suga gave him a bright smile and his heart skipped a beat. crush. definitely.

“you’re gonna smell like me now..”

suga trailed off, shampooing his hair, which turned out to be a little hard due to the fact that he was about 10cm taller, which wasn’t actually incredibly much, but it’s something when he’s right in front of him.

“i don’t mind”

oikawa hummed and closed his eyes. suga was careful not to let any shampoo or conditioner into his eyes, focused on every part of his face. the perfect eyebrows and soft lips as well has his cute nose. he really couldn’t resist leaving a tiny peck on his nose and tooru started giggling, before pulling him in a little when the conditioner had fully washed out. he want over his back with soft movements and let suga kiss over his neck.

the kisses were sweet as cinnamon and tooru enjoyed every second of it. 

“maybe we should get out, before i double your water bill”

he mumbled.

“mhhhhm i know”

the soft vibrations against his neck made him shiver as he stopped the water.  
stepping out of the shower, suga felt goosebumps from the sudden cold, but threw a towel at tooru, who catched.

“do you want clothes of mine?”

tooru shook his head, getting into his boxers again.

“i only wore these for the five minutes it took to find your apartment i think it’s fine also i’m gonna saune you’re one size below me”

he threw over his shirt again and koushi tried to suppress the fact that he was shaking, but he didn’t wanna wear his sleeping clothes again and also didn’t wanna leave tooru alone in the bathroom.

“...why’d you come here in the first place?”

tooru stared at him and suga inspected him, noticing that the white shirt was a little sheer and his wet hair was dripping small droplets onto it. without thinking, he put the towel onto his head and slicked his hair back.

tooru smiles at him, had to resist not to kiss him and then spoke

“cuddle. felt like it was kind of mean to leave you alone with your boner but i also don’t think i can go three times in a little less then a full two days so i thought of comforting you with something else, now i think you didn’t eat yet however you’re lucky as i’m an exquisite cook and could make you pancakes or something if you were to allow me to. also-“

he paused and picked up the washed out high school hoodie, before pulling it over suga’s head.

“you seem cold so you can have this.”

a faint blush appeared on suga’s face, before he put his arms through and then in the air to actually get them out of the hoodie who was already a little big on oikawa, and hence the 10cm height difference, it was even bigger on suga.

“i... don’t mind you making pancakes in my kitchen... but i can help.”  
“no no no i’ll do it! you can... check the news or something. whatever you do in the morning”

suga started laughing and it made tooru feel lots of emotions, all of them being very... gay.

“i guess i could go through my messages which- i don’t have your number anymore.. i deleted the chat after uh... yeah. that’s why i didn’t text you”

oikawa chuckled

“i’ll text you so that you’ll have it again then.”  
“okay.. think you can find everything in the kitchen?”  
“i’ve been there once haven’t i?”

again, suga blushed.

“i think i’ll be fine, thank you sweetheart.”

he kissed his forehead again, before disappearing, without his pants at that and if suga would’ve asked he would’ve said ‘because it’s more comfortable’ but suga wasn’t wearing pants himself, the hoodie covering up everything anyways, yet he decided to wear the black shorts under it again, just in case.

going into his room to put his sleeping shirt onto a chair and tooru’s jeans next to it, he glanced into the mirror.

“seijoh....”

he mumbled while tracing over the embroidered letters, white onto light turquoise.   
he pulled up the collar and breathed in. it really smelled like him... really really smelled like him.... what was he doing? 

he shook his head, sat onto his bed and checked for messages.

daichi: “suga!!!”  
daichi: “thank you again”  
daichi: “she said yes and now we’re dating”  
suga: “see? told you”  
suga: “i’m happy for you”

he ignored the pinch in his heart. ignored the pain in his throat and just let himself fall onto the bed. he knew this was going to happen, which is probably why it hurt a little less then he thought it would, but it did still hurt.

daichi would never like him back, there wasn’t even a point in running after him all the time, doing everything for him and getting nothing back. but as much as there wasn’t a point in it, he also just couldn’t help it. he had liked him for so long it wasn’t just gonna change. 

he sat up again and looked to the side, into the mirror again. his hair had already returned to its normal shape and he smiled a little, blushed at how much his hickey was exposed through the stretched fabric.

he looked up to the wall again, entering the awkward stage of being half asleep, thinking of their high school times that had only ended a year ago and yet they felt so far away. he thought of brown hair, detailed shoulders, light laugh, perfect fingers, but before he could actually drift to sleep he was called from the kitchen.

he walked into the kitchen, delighted that his kitchen had in fact not burned down.

“want the first bite?”

suga nodded and stepped in front of him

“say ahhhh”

he laughed, before just opening his mouth. for a split second, tooru thought of yesterday, but he quickly pushed that thought away and carefully put the fork with a small piece of pancake into his mouth, before retreating said fork again.

suga munched onto it for a while, before swallowing.

“you weren’t lying. you do know how to cook... is that even cooking?”  
“of course it’s cooking”  
“but pancakes are sweet... like baking?”  
“it’s not baking it’s in a pan”  
“mh... can i have another bite?”

puppy eyes stared at him, but tooru couldn’t hold back from making him beg in a non-sexual way.

“nope”  
“awww come on”

he pouted, god he was cute.

“pleaseeeeee?”

it was the same words and yet this was utterly adorable and before he’d turn into a tomato or have a heart attack, tooru guided his mouth open and gave him another piece.

“now sit down before i feed you everything because that’s not the point of this”

‘what is it then’ is what suga wanted to ask, but it got stuck in his throat and he decided against it while putting out plates.

the visual was truly... something.   
the sun was shining through the window, it was very visible that they had showered and oikawa was making him breakfast in his kitchen and in boxers and a long shirt.

it was... mesmerizing in a way. so innocent that he couldn’t help but take a picture (which didn’t show that tooru wasn’t wearing pants of course).

immediately after putting his phone down, tooru turned around and put a plate with the pancakes stacked on top of it onto the table, before sitting down himself, the dishes in the sink.

under the wooden table, suga brushed his soft legs against tooru’s. he had always shaved them for both aesthetic and logical reasons. he liked the feeling of it, it showed of that his legs were trained and during high school he did it, because when he had injured himself during volleyball, bandaids wouldn’t hurt to peal off, compression garments worked better and it also gave him a better feel when running.

tooru didn’t dare to look into his eyes, unsure if this was a way of flirting or just playfully teasing. nonetheless it made his heart beat probably twice as fast and he stuffed a piece of pancake into his mouth to avoid ruining the moment by saying something stupid.

he wasn’t sure what this was, but he knew what he wanted it to be. right?   
he tried avoiding it, but his head spun back to it, probably because he was in his kitchen and everything smelled like him and also because his legs were still brushing against his own.  
he wanted to date sugawara koushi.  
he wanted to be his boyfriend.  
he wanted to take care of him, to kiss him and he wanted to make breakfast for him every day and cuddle until they fell asleep and run his fingers through his hair, have him around all the time...   
this felt so refreshing. it felt so sweet and different and he loved it,  
but the approach had been so bad.  
how do you smoothly go from whatever they had to a consistent relationship??

“.. we still haven’t cuddled yet”

suga commented after they had eaten the pancakes in a very comfortable silence and tooru smiled

“we can change that”  
“i’m doing the dishes”  
“i’ll he-“  
“nope. stay where you are you already cooked i’m not letting you do everything”  
“but i wanna help”

he pouted and suga smiled

“no”

so he stood up, collected their plates and flatware, before cleaning it with the pan and the other things tooru had used.  
although he really wanted to mirror koushi’s usual obeying trait, he decided against it.

“at least let me dry the things you washed”  
“...fine”

and there it was again. that weird feeling in suga’s stomach. this felt oddly perfect and he didn’t know what to think of it. he put it onto the fact that he never did anything romantic with anyone, but that just got up the question if this really was romantic or just the road to then be sexual again later?

“what’s on your mind, angel?”

angel... angel.  
koushi blushed.

“nothing just... how far do you live away?”  
“surprisingly really only three blocks.”  
“it’s destiny”

tooru smiled at that and koushi didn’t really know if he himself meant it as a joke.

“look!! all done! we can cuddle now”

koushi had just put the last plate out of tooru’s hands and put it back to where it belonged, before strong arms wrapped around him and tooru picked him up, making suga scream in shock for a moment before giggling.

“where do you wanna cuddle, my prince?”

my prince... his prince....

“bedroom”  
“guide me then”  
“pfft alright walk straight toward... stop.. tooru stop stop stop”

tooru giggled and suga wrapped his legs around him in fear of him letting go.

“you’re an idiot now tuuuurn stop.”

this time, tooru did stop.

“alright forward again... mhm... okay stop, turn left.. the other left... exactly. forward... stop. turn right but walk into he door... okay now let me go.”

but tooru didn’t let go. instead, he closed the door and then gently lay suga onto his bed, quickly scanning the room with an uncountable amount of plants, before being pulled in by him and now being on the bed as well.

“i’m tired”

koushi mumbled and then he kissed his cheek, before putting down his head onto tooru’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“you’re cute... you can sleep, my prince”  
“nghhh yeah... wake me before i sleep for too long”  
“promise”

and he immediately drifted off.

tooru let his fingers run through his hair, inspecting every inch of his face and capturing the moment with a quick picture.  
suga was so beautiful. had always been so beautiful... so beautiful.

and off he was to sleep as well.

his crush in his arms and so unaware of the consequences that would crash onto him the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always appreciate your sweet comments so much🥺 it’s really taking the best of me to continue writing this so thank you!!


	5. 4//bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> but that didn’t matter now.  
> because now it was suga.  
> and it was so different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again thank you so much for the support🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it’s getting harder and harder to write this, because of the heavy lack of motivation T_T i’m really only writing this for the comments and one of my best friends (hi if ur seeing this u know who u are) so uhhh yeah :))

with a shiver, suga woke up, tooru’s arms protectively wrapped around him. he blinked multiple times, it was late evening or maybe just evening, it was winter so he really didn’t know, but it was almost dark outside and the alarm was son the other side, he didn’t really feel like waking tooru up though, so he let it be.

as he slightly moved he immediately froze.  
morning boner.  
or afternoon boner? evening? whatever.  
fuck.

he squeezed his eyes shut, but that only made him remember his dream, hot kisses, wet tongues intertwined, his fingers curled up into brown hair, fingers sliding up his- wait.

wait wait wait wait

brown hair?

BROWN HAIR?

he almost let out a frustrated groan, but held back as tooru, the person he just had a very.. sexual dream about, was still asleep. and he most certainly didn’t feel like waking him especially because he’d probably feel his boner, since their legs were intertwined.

he realized there wasn’t any escape out of this.   
he wasn’t gonna be able to get out of tooru’s grip without probably waking him, because he didn’t know how deep his sleep was and that meant he couldn’t just.. do the obvious solution.  
that also wrote out showering with cold water and because he was in his arms, he wasn’t gonna be able to get his mind of as well.

ten minutes later and koushi hadn’t moved an inch so he had to do something.  
veeeery carefully he tried getting at least one of tooru’s arms away, but turns out, he was either a very light sleeper or was on the verge of waking up anyways.

“morning, my prince”

goosebumps spread over his neck and he realized he could feel his breath on his lips

“sorry, did i wake you?”

koushi definitely hadn’t anticipated it, but his voice sounded a little squeaky

“no, all good, sweetheart... sorry, i was supposed to wake you, but i guess i fell asleep.”  
“it’s okay.. don’t worry... just that my sleeping schedule is messed up now i guess”  
“i didn’t have one in the first place... oh, sorry, should i-“

he shifted and koushi’s eyes went wide and he swallowed to keep quiet.  
of course he had to brush against his erection with his leg.  
of fucking course.  
to his luck.. or not? oikawa seemed to realize what was going on, because a wide smirk appeared on his face.

“shut up...”  
“i didn’t say anything, baby...”  
“stoop”

he burried his face into the crook of tooru’s neck in an attempt to hide his blush that started creeping down his neck.

“want help with that?”  
“...maybe”

tooru smirked, taking full advantage of the situation and letting his hand run over the others back who started biting down on his lip.  
in his head, tooru reminded himself how incredibly inexperienced suga was and decided to take it slow.

“maybe isn’t a direct answer”

he kissed his exposed shoulder

“you gotta be more specific.”  
“yes... please”  
“mhhh look me in the eyes and i’ll think about it”

slowly, koushi pressed himself up with his arms, his hair dangling slightly in the others face

“tooru,,,,”

he started and had to break eye contact for a while, mentally, tooru noted that he was very close to overstepping the line of flustered to uncomfortable.

“please” 

eye contact again and shivers down his spine  
mental addition to said note: he was very close to overstepping the line of giving and getting a boner himself.

“good boy”

he commented and with a little complication got rid of his own hoodie that suga had worn while asleep, before his hand made the elastic of both his shorts and boxers snap against his skin, making suga shiver.

“tell me to stop, when it’s too much, yeah?”  
“promise.”  
“okay, baby”

suga sat up a little, making it easy for tooru to peel off his shorts, at least to his bend knees.

“have you been waiting for this?”

his voice had that erotic undertone again and his face was positioned perfectly for suga to either look directly at him, or away.

“a little...”  
“a little?”

tooru’s hand stroked over his boner, applying light pressure, making him squirm.

“doesn’t seem like a little in your pants”  
“... a little much”  
“figured... sooo should i go on?”  
“...mhm”  
“what was that? didn’t catch it”  
“tooru... please i just- please get to the point”  
“of course of course”

one last time, tooru stroked over it through the fabric, before pulling it out of his boxers and then pulling them down a little to avoid an uncomfortable feeling.

suga hissed as tooru’s fingers he had fantasized about so often wrapped around his length and tooru smirked, not breaking eye contact once as he gently started going up and down, fixated on his facial expression.

“you’re so pretty”

he whispered and koushi had to look away again

“you’re so pretty and so good...”

with anyone else, he would’ve dropped the l word now, since as known, it doesn’t really count during sex. just sets the mood. said it countless of times and never meant it once, not really at least.   
but this was suga and as established he had a crush on him and that made everything a little twisted, also suga wasn’t like him and he kept having to remember that this was all new for him so it’d probably just make it weird if he said it.

tooru went a little faster, yet careful not to completely overwhelm him. nonetheless, koushi’s arms dared to give in, which he noticed and decided to flip them over, suga now leaned against a pillow that tooru had quickly shoved there, still half laying down while tooru was leaned onto him, kissing down his neck, still lazily stroking with his left hand.

gently, he kissed down a little, his saliva connecting him with koushi’s skin, whenever he parted a bit to either look up or kiss even further down.  
the kisses set butterflies into his stomach and felt so hot in his skin, completely driving him insane.

finally, tooru had kissed to just above his chest and was almost a little hesitant before he let his tongue trace over his nipple.

the sound that escaped suga’s mouth made his blood boil. softly, his lips lips planted a light kiss on it, before beginning to suck again, in which koushi responded with arching his back a little, almost unnoticeable, if oikawa wouldnt have been hyper aware of every little sound that escaped his lips and any trace of a movement that was captured by his gaze.

tooru moved his right hand a little higher, to stroke through his hair and watched small sweat pearls on his forehead, smiling to himself. he was so utterly gorgeous, even with a pleading look on his face.

while it was hard to do, tooru’s hand still went painfully slow, but he knew that. he was just waiting for koushi to get desperate enough to comment on it, because as much as he wanted to make him feel as comfortable as possible, he really liked his begging too.

and as he went even slower, even if he was still sucking hickeys onto his chest, biting slightly at points, making suga moan lightly, he really couldn’t take it anymore.

“tooru...”

it was pretty obvious that he purposely tried speaking hyper clearly, to avoid moaning louder then he already was

“can you- g-go faster?”

he looked down a little to find his eyes

“please“  
“mhhh i don’t know, can i?”

tooru hummed against his chest.

“you’re- doing it on purpose right?”

and while koushi really didn’t want to give him what he wanted, he was also really damn eager and if tooru would speed up his pace, he’d probably start fucking into his hand.

“fuck i- please, tooru just... please. please... go faster at least a little... ple- ahh~~”

his attempt at speaking clearly had already failed after two words and when tooru actually did go faster, any sense of control over it had been lost.

oikawa felt a rush of power all the way to his finger tips at the sense of control he had, watching suga lean his head back, eyes closed. he drowned in his beautiful face and that lewd expression on it made tingles appear in his stomach.

“you are so beautiful, angel... a literal perfection... so beautiful”

he kissed along his neck again.

“and you are so obeying... i really can’t get enough of you and i still dream of your tongue around my cock...”

gently he tucked at his hair and the muscles in koushi’s legs tensed up while tooru licked over his neck.

“you’re so beautiful.. so hot and yet so beautiful..”  
“fuck, tooru”

is all koushi could gasp out and oikawa was sure he’d never get tired of hearing his name being spoken like that from no other than sugawara koushi.

“mhm you’re so good baby”  
“faster- i- tooru please please go faster”

for a while, tooru teased, enjoying suga whining under him as he got slower and stroked away the precum that was now running down his knuckles and fuck, suga really wished he could’ve looked away, but the scenery was just so arousing, it made his dick twitch in the others hand.

“you’re lucky you’ve been good, koushi”

and oh, he was glad when tooru finally started going faster again, making him moan deep in pleasure while his hands found their way into his hair and tooru grinned.

koushi didn’t even spend a thought on the fact that tooru knew exactly what he was doing all he knew was it felt damn good.

“nghhh~ tooru~”

his breathing was sped up and his fingers tensed up in his hair

“fuck”

tooru had imagined this before, how suga would sound when he got him off in one way or another, but this was so much better.  
he was just so vocal and it sent electric shocks down tooru’s body when he whines as a response to being teased and it robbed his heart when he started purring at his touch, making tooru forget that his hand had started hurting five minutes ago.

he drew shapes onto his exposed chest and koushi hummed his name while letting his head press into the pillow.  
he felt so overwhelmed, but it felt so good.  
god, it felt so good and it showed.

the slight kicking of his legs, the way his hands were buried into into his hair and his moans were filling the room.

“you’re so cute”

tooru kissed his cheek and went a little slower again, being able to tell how close koushi probably was by the look in his eyes, overdriven with lust.

“tooru”

it was almost a whisper, but music to tooru’s ears, made him smirk and go fast, before slowing down twice as much as before.

“tooru please...”

koushi looked at him and he could see tears of being so overly overwhelmed in the corners of his eyes 

“please let me- p-please”

he swallowed

“ah~ please please i- nghh please ,tooru please... pleaaaaase”

his voice was full of desperation, a mixture of moaning and whining, but tooru slowed down again which is when koushi did in fact start bulging his hips and started lightly thrusting into his hand.

and fuck, that was hot.   
the way koushi was so on edge, almost unable to move faster then tooru had been stroking.  
his vision blurry, heavy swallows.

“please”

it was almost a cry and, because tooru was a nice man and almost felt bad for him, he stopped the teasing and started speeding up to a more fitting amount, watching as suga’s eyes rolled back, hand deep in his hair again, before going down to his neck, leaving behind soft scratched onto his skin.

“t-thank you”

koushi stuttered our and although it was somehow appropriate for him to say that it hit tooru hard and he had to be careful not to overstep the line of getting a boner himself, because that would make him wanna go further, which was indeed not appropriate.  
he’d just have to burn this into his mind and think about it again later.

“finally want release?”

tooru’s voice was sweet as if he hadn’t edged him twice now, yet he slowed down again, almost scared that he had pushed too far already, but to his luck, he didn’t.

“please.. oh fuck, please, tooru”

one of suga’s hands had found its way to hold tooru’s who gladly intertwined their fingers, feeling the consistent squeezing, before relaxing again as he either went faster or slower.

“please”

koushi repeated, every syllable being clear on his mouth and because the slight fear of overstepping the line, this time between frustration and loss of arousal, he decided the teasing was enough.

“good boy”

he whispered into his ear, yet had to hiss at how subconsciously, suga’s nails dug into his skin, but he loved it.

his hand was going as fast as he could, still careful not to let it slip from the precum he had been leaking, koushi’s gasps and moans were directly next to his ear, getting more and more deeper and they felt so lewd and hot and overwhelming, even to oikawa, because it was koushi who was making them.

when suga bit his teeth together, tooru knew he was about to release and it was really hard to hold back from blue balling him again, but he couldn’t do that to him or well... didn’t want to, he wanted to hear his sweet sounds until the end and it was so worth it.

koushi came heavy, half onto tooru’s hand and half onto his stomach that was covered with about 20 very thought out hickeys, he was shaking and the way he cried out his name, had definitely made tooru’s dick twitch, but he was pretty good at avoiding unwanted erections unless he already had one.

very gently and slow, tooru stroked over him a few more times to seal the deal and then kissed suga’s forehead, who was heavily panting. 

“you did so well, baby”

he waited until suga opened his eyes again to lick away the white-ish cum off his hand, while holding direct eye contact, before diving down with his head and letting his tongue go over parts of his stomach with the same purpose.

suga’s breath had calmed down, but inside he was a mess.

“did you like it?”

shortly, oikawa crawled onto him and kissed his cheek, before standing up and going through his drawer where he assumed underwear would be, and he was right.

“mhm” 

was all suga commented and his mind couldn’t make any other steady thought while tooru switched his boxers, making sure not to touch too much of his skin during it, since he was still sensitive.

“i’m glad”

tooru kissed his cheek again and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“it was... really good”

suga struggled to find words, but oikawa just chuckled and nodded.

“i gave my best”  
“mhhhhm”  
“tired again?”  
“not really.... exhausted. not tired”  
“wanna try standing up?”  
“nooooooooooo..... kind of.... maybe... but cuddling first”

he rolled onto him and tooru kissed his nose

“i think you’re both exhausted and tired, baby... it’s okay.... you can sleep. i’ll keep watch this time. i promise.”  
“okay.....”

suga looked into his eyes, for a moment his exhaustion felt wiped away and very softly he kissed onto his lips.

it was short and it was hardly even physically touching at all, but mentally, it absolutely made tooru fall apart.

immediately after, koushi’s head was on his chest again, eyes closed and a deep blush, listening to tooru’s incredibly fast heart beat.

now what the hell was he gonna do?

this was all so weirdly new.

when he had liked hajime, it was from the very moment he found out he was gay. sure, it was a little weird at first, but they were best friends. he knew him. knew his face and every aspect of his personality.  
hajime was easy to love.  
and apparently easy to unlove, which honestly made tooru think if he actually really loved him.  
maybe it had been the fear of letting go and the thrill of a crush.  
but that didn’t matter now.  
because now it was suga.  
and it was so different.

light snoring sounds told tooru that his crush had fallen asleep and he started tracing his fingers over his neck, down to his back, before going up again, repeating the motions

suga was so... so different.

he really did curse himself for not just inviting him for a date when he saw him at that stupid party, but that’s when he still liked hajime... or was under the impression that he did that.

thinking back of it, his mind had never only drifted off to sexual thoughts about the former rival. it had been thoughts on how he’d sound when he’d sing, how he brushed his teeth in the morning, how soft his lips were... his lips.

they kissed.  
on the mouth.  
they kissed on the mouth.  
koushi had kissed him on the mouth.  
willingly.

now what in the hell did that mean?  
‘because that’s romantic and this is sexual’  
that’s what he said  
that’s what he said, right?  
those were his words!

so what was it?  
it was short.  
was it like a thank you?  
did it mean something?

no. not possibly... right? what if it did?  
but he liked someone else... but he HIMSELF liked someone else, at least that’s what koushi probably thought, or did he?

did he think he was the type of person to take advantage of how inexperienced he was, even while liking someone else?  
did he take him for that?  
was he that?

he squeezed his eyes shut.

koushi had to be the most adorable person he’d ever met, even if he was sassy, even if he was driving him insane.  
he wanted to touch every inch of his body, he wanted to explore all the places in his mind and every city he’d always wanted to visit.

he wanted to kiss his hands and hold him by his waist and he wanted to make breakfast for him every day, but would it ever be like that?

would he every get the honor? 

let’s state the facts.

drunk-ish, suga had took his light flirting and then begged to suck his dick in a public bathroom.  
yet, tooru had started that, bought up the tension.  
but the sucking dick part came from suga.

then, a little more than four full weeks was blank in tooru’s mind, at least on suga’s part so he could only make mental notes about himself.

first time he masturbated to it was in the bathroom itself, which was pretty self explanatory.  
then, the day after, he had to get rid of his boner somehow.

that’s also when he had more or less subconsciously stalked koushi’s instagram he got from clicking on a thousand tags, before finding daichi and then suga.

he had three pictures.  
a sunset, a selfie with a puppy and a selfie that was seemingly after practice, a little sweaty, but so unbelievably gorgeous.

and that’s when past tooru had realized what he was doing and closed the app.

a few other times he jacked off, but usually he had a boner, then thought of suga. which should’ve been telling, but apparently he really was dense.

he remembered spending a whole night just thinking about how suga would kiss or touch him or what his favorite country was.

that made present-tooru realize how much he didn’t know, but he was eager to find out.

after that, the sexting.

had also been from tooru’s side at first, but he was very keen on consent (as everyone should be.) so koushi definitely did like it too... and the video.   
fuck, the video.  
he cursed snapchat for showing someone when you screen-record, otherwise he’d probably watch it over porn any day.

so after that, bumping into each other and then suga sucking him off in his kitchen.  
again, tooru had started it, but suga hadn’t once hesitated, even while he was inexperienced.

so either, it was tooru’s sex appeal, suga liked him in some way or another or koushi just wanted to fill said lack of experience.

tooru thought a little deeper, he didn’t wanna miss anything.

suga did have a habit of always practically underlining his name with his voice, while he was begging to him, but in general too. it rolled beautifully off his tongue, but if he really didn’t like him like that, that was a little odd. but he could just be reading into things.

and then today.  
they showered together and it was sensual and so nice, it made his heart flutter just thinking about it. how cute he looked, with his hair pressed down from the water, showing off his extremely detailed face structure.

he had also made him breakfast and it was lovely, it was soft. it felt like they were actually.. dating. but they weren’t. 

falling asleep together while cuddling... it sounded cheesy and made up, but tooru didn’t remember the last time he actually had slept that well. suga smelled so good it was oddly comforting and he was too cute for his own good, while wearing tooru’s hoodie that was now on the floor which got him to the last part.

the handjob.  
he gave him a handjob and it was so different from anything he’d done before. it was almost... no most definitely loving. he enjoyed it. he had enjoyed every second of it.  
the fact alone that this was the first orgasm koushi had ever had through someone else and that he had given tooru the honors of being that person still made him wanna jump up and hug the whole world, because he felt so lucky, even if... maybe koushi didn’t like him at all...? 

he hated it, but it was a possibility he could t just dismiss.  
he didn’t want himself to be too optimistic about it, or he’d get hurt in the process.

he breathed out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

the pathetic attempt at trying to analyze the last weeks had only left him with more questions now and he cursed himself for even thinking about it.

very carefully, he stood up and looked at koushi.

yup, crush. big crush.

his heart was almost beating out of his chest and he started blushing a deep pink.

koushi’s hair fit perfectly to the dusky pink pillow his head was laying on, eyes closed and a faint blush on his cheeks.   
his lips were slightly parted and his nose seemed so delicate.

tooru’s gaze went down a little,  
suga’s legs were intertwined with the velvet blanket that was in the same antique pink that the pillow was.

something about the image was extremely erotic, the way one of his legs was sticking out, he was only wearing his boxers and his hair was a big messy.  
also maybe the fact that he got him off 15 minutes ago.

but it was also so pure, so innocent.  
without even thinking about it, tooru snapped a picture of it and stared at him again.

he was so utterly gorgeous.  
it was truly unfair.  
and he was so truly gay.

he decided it was best for him to look away, before he’d either explode or get a boner and so he went into the kitchen, looking out of the window, before opening said window.

it felt a little odd to just wander around in an apartment that wasn’t his own, but it was nice too.

the wind was blowing through his hair and he closed his eyes, the image of koushi still in his head.

he had to remind himself that this could break any second, he could say one wrong thing and koushi could stop talking to him. there were so many possibilities and this was all too vague.

but that could change, right? it could change! maybe he should actually invite him on a date, somewhere without alcohol and somewhere where they could be alone.

he just hoped suga felt the same, at least a little, just a tiny bit.

he almost flinched, when koushi’s arms wrapped around him from the side, immediately burying his face into tooth’s shirt, letting said man wrap his arms around him.

“slept okay, little angel?”

suga made an undefined noise and oikawa had to swallow as he watched his shoulders twitch.  
he was crying.

softly, he pulled him a little closer, strokes through his hair and down his neck with care, before kissing his head.

he knew not to ask in situations like these, but it broke his heart seeing him cry, broken sobs spilling out of his mouth.

“baby... it’s okay. i’m here.”

he kept his voice as gentle as he possibly could and held him a little tighter. he felt his shirt turning a little wet from the others tears, but he very honestly didn’t mind.

“i’m sorry”

suga’s voice cracked multiple times at just those two words and it hurt tooru’s heart.

“don’t apologize... it’s okay... i promise.”

he kissed his head again, the smell of shampoo hitting his nose and after a while, koushi let go of him at least a little.

tooru’s eyes met with the soft almond shade that koushi’s eyes held, although they were a little red from the crying. with care, he stroked away his tears, then kissed each of his cheeks, noticing how unbelievably soft his skin was.  
he almost felt how fragile he was right now.

“do you wanna talk about it?”

he asked and koushi shook his head a little, smiling when tooru kissed his forehead.

“that’s okay... wanna do something else then?”  
“yes please”

koushi’s voice still hadn’t had it’s usual enthusiasm behind it, but tooru didn’t mention it.

they decided on playing a few board games and it was so soft. suga’s laugh filled the room, lots of cheek kissed whenever someone won and they were eating a light snack.  
tooru has never felt this before, but it was amazing.  
his heart bounced at every giggle, at every time suga played with the string in tooru’s hoodie that he had put on again.  
he smiled brightly, when koushi had taken his hand, playing with his fingers when he began to get tired.  
he adored every facial expression he made, laughed when he whined about losing in uno again.

carefully, tooru had got him to bed when suga was almost half asleep (although he said he was ‘fully awake’).  
he had put a blanked on him and kissed his cheek, before whispering a soft

“good night, my prince.”

and then he had put out the lights, cleaned up in the kitchen and left a note that read:

“good morning, baby!!  
i’m hoping you had an excellent sleep<3 unfortunately i couldn’t stay with you, since i have work in the morning for my (part time) job. but i’m sure we’ll meet again in no time!   
yours; tooru~  
also here’s my number hehe”

he scribbled down his number and left, closing the door as quietly as he possibly could, walking down the stairs and the five minute walk to his own apartment, where he sat onto his balcony, staring at the moon.

(tw; smoking)

his head hurt, but he lit up a cigarette with his right hand, inhaling and blowing out the grey-ish smoke into the night air.  
he watched the light grey dance around in the air, before turning into nothing and inhaled again. 

did koushi actually like him? was he just gonna ignore the note and move on with his life? what even were they? friends.. with benefits? 

the feeling of the smoke in his lungs felt so endlessly uncomfortable.  
he hated it.  
he hated the disgusting feeling in the back of his throat and he hated the desire to cough it all out again. 

but he kissed him... he kissed him and yet it was all so unsteady and tooru felt so unsure of the situation. the evening or... night. had been so nice, it had felt like there was no worry in the world except for suga constantly getting the better cards, between them at least.

his mind felt clogged, but somehow just watching the smoke was calming him too much to just.. stop.

but what had he been crying about? it wouldn’t leave tooru’s mind, the heartbreaking sobs still ripped him apart from the inside and out daggers into his chest. who made him feel that way? or was it just a nightmare?

and so he continued until the cigarette started burning on his fingers, which is when he eventually put it out and went back inside again to brush his teeth and fall onto his bed.

what were they?


	6. 5//nowhere.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the ticking of the clock seemed to become more apparent the more he focused on it and it hurt his head, but at least it didn’t hurt his heart like the thought of koushi did. 
> 
> would he actually manage to fix this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya!!! 
> 
> if you wanna skip the angst you’re free to skip this chapter<3   
> tw for arguments/bunch of cursing/slurs (?)

the rain droplets were what eventually woke up koushi from his rather light sleep that had therefore lasted really long. a glance to his alarm told him it was 1pm, his head hurt a little and he was still wearing the faded turquoise hoodie that oikawa had given him the day before.

oikawa.

oikawa who was so good with his hands and his words too, who was pretty good at cooking at least from what he knew and who was so good at being sexual, but yet had somehow managed to set butterflies in his stomach, who’s smile was brighter then the sun, who’s eyes were so comforting and-

did he like him?  
no clue.

he sighed, his eyes still couldn’t completely open and he was so tired he kind of wanted to fall asleep again.

he let himself cry in front of him, even let him hug him...

there wasn’t an exact reason why he had cried, he just knew it started when the realization it... or didn’t?

because yes, he did kiss him, but he also didn’t know what he felt... at all.  
well, he did knew he liked everything about him, but there was also the fact that tooru was probably just using him. at least the possibility was there.

“suga”

daichi sounded like he was trying really hard to sound like he’d been asleep or something, but suga could tell he wasn’t. he noticed a while ago that daichi likes pretending to be doing something important in order to escape meeting up with him or talking to him.

he honestly didn’t know why he was still trying with him or even still liked him.  
just to be pushed away constantly?

“hey, can you meet me? just for a bit, like ten minutes?”

daichi, on the other line, seemed to be contemplating and suga didn’t really know what he’d do if he’d say no, but his delight daichi stated, this time without the fake tiredness in his voice:

“yeah. sure. your place?”  
“we can meet in the middle. i have to go outside anyways to get some food”

he had stumbled over the last word, remembering how sweet tooru had prepared it for him the day before, how he had laughed, how bright his eyes were.

“cool. bakery then?”

maybe, suga hadn’t realized this before, because he was wearing love tinted glasses, but daichi’s voice was so full of annoyance. yet, he needed to be sure. 

“sure. see you there”

he was about to click on the red button, but daichi spoke up

“you okay? you seem... distant.”

koushi wanted to kick him in the face. he wanted to spit on him and hit him and tell him what an awful person he was and he cursed himself for ever taking interest in someone who was so ignorant and blind and insensitive, but he cursed daichi more. he had to hold himself back to not release the years of bottled up anger for this sorry excuse of a man and he had to hold back from screaming into his phone about how much he hurt him, but he did manage to hold back.

“i’m okay. don’t worry about it”  
“alright. see you then”

now, koushi did hang up, before screaming into his pillow and then making his way into the kitchen, glancing at the note tooru had left him and he smiled for the first time that morning.

quickly, he started the coffee machine, before changing into jeans and a shirt underneath the hoodie that he really didn’t wanna stop wearing.

he threw down the coffee and it burned in his throat, but he didn’t care. he also didn’t bother to get an umbrella (which he’d regret later, for several reasons) and speed walked to the bakery.

daichi, of course, came 10 minutes too late.   
but he was used to that. used to being the one carrying their entire friendship or whatever it was. because frankly, daichi did not give a single shit about him. not since high school.

“hey”  
“hi.”  
“so... what’s up?”

the rain was now dripping down suga’s hair and he looked into daichi’s eyes

“look. i know you and your girlfriend are happy and all and i won’t ruin that for you, but can you do something for me?”

daichi’s right eyebrow went up.

“depends.”

koushi couldn’t help, but click his tongue. the audacity he had was seriously unbelievable.

“kiss me”  
“what?”

his eyebrows were furrowed as if he hadn’t understood his words, as if suga hadn’t been crystal clear.

“kiss me. i’m not keen on making you do something you don’t want to, but you kind of owe me, for multiple things, because, daichi, i did everything you asked me to in the last what? four years? and you’ve been a dick to me in at least one of those, yet, i still liked you for whatever reason. and since i’m tired of being ordered around by someone who has the privilege of never being rejected before... consider this a friendship break up too until maybe some day you’ll get your shit together, but i always wanted you to be my first kiss so you can do at least that, right?”

the last part had been a lie. tooru was his first kiss and he was fine with that, but he didn’t know how else to convince him.  
when daichi just stared at him, suga decided it was time for option b.

“or is that too hard for you too? like showing up at least once when my dad died? that was hard right? so hard for you to be there for me at least once when my mo-“  
“okay! okay. fine. right now?”

daichi knew this would be coming at some point, the confession at least and the fact that suga would somehow notice that he had been using his kindness and the fact that he liked him for a while now.   
he was kind of glad it hadn’t gotten bigger then that, he expected at least a slap in the face, but the request was odd too.

“yes, right now. make it short”  
“alright”

daichi decided it would only be fair to at least pretend like this was something romantic, leaned in, watched koushi close his eyes and then let their lips touch for a good second, before softly backing off again.

now koushi was sure.

an uncomfortable feeling creeped up in his body, he felt disgusting. he felt like he was cheating, guilt blinding his vision for a while, squishing his heart in the process. he had to physically cringe and then nodded.

“alright. thanks... that’s it then”  
“yeah.... see you around”  
“i hope not”

suga muttered under his breath and he decided to rather not get breakfast, he literally felt physically sick.

what he hadn’t thought of was: tooru lived five minutes away. and of course he’d seen it.   
koushi just didn’t know that yet, but he’d find out.

tooru wasn’t a stalker, not in the slightest.. sometimes maybe. and when he saw daichi his gaze just had to lock with his figure and when he saw that he was kissing suga he regretted it immediately.

curiosity kills the cat.  
and broke his heart.

“so. daichi sawamura, huh?”

he had to keep his voice from breaking and suga flinched, turning around immediately.

there they stood, about one feet apart from each other, in a random parking lot.  
koushi didn’t know why he was here, he just started walking off to somewhere to repress the fact that he really wanted to cry.  
and tooru really wanted to suppress the anger at the absolute audacity suga had to wear his clothes while breaking him like that.

pathetic.

“what did you see?”

suga spoke up, not that he had to, because the rain had calmed down a little.

“enough.”

koushi cursed himself for not releasing his anger against daichi, because now that was projecting onto the situation.

“jealous?”

is what came out of his mouth and mentally, he hit himself for it.

“i have no right to be. we’re not dating.”  
“but we’re something, right?”  
“are we?”

koushi swallowed. where was this going? definitely not anywhere he wanted it too

“are we, koushi?”

he repeated and laughed, but his laugh had no humor behind it. it was empty.

“do you kiss random guys all the time? sleep with them too maybe, did daichi give you a handjob in your bed too?”

koushi almost hit him for being so specific in public, but ignored the people that stared at them.

“isn’t that literally what i told you? isn’t that also literally what you yourself confirmed? that we both like someone else?”

koushi said and he wanted to continue with ‘because it’s not true anymore. at least not for me’, but he got cut off.

“yeah, right, so what was i then? an experiment?”  
“i didn’t-“  
“oh shut up, suga.”  
“what-“  
“i said shut up! so you really just whored yourself out, because you felt like it and daichi wasn’t giving it to you?”

that was enough.

“oh, please, who’s the whore here? you’ve had more dicks in your mouth than you’ve touched volleyballs.”

if he didn’t feel like his heart was ripping out of his chest, maybe tooru had laughed. but he remained silent.

“oh now you know so fucking much about me, huh?”  
“i don’t need to know you to know that. that’s what makes it worse, don’t you think? see i really don’t see why you’re calling me a whore like you didn’t initiate everything that happened between us?”  
“you fucking kissed me! on the mouth! against the rules!”

suga wanted to say something, but it got stuck in his throat.

“you didn’t answer my question. so i really was an experiment?”  
“t-“  
“to see how far i would go with you? to get your experience from someone who already has it? was the whole thing about you never sexually engaging with anyone but me even the truth? or was that also a lie?”  
“i never lied to you!”

koushi’s voice broke from screaming so loud and it hurt in his throat, but he could care less.

“oh? you never lied to me? i almost have to laugh at that. what about the look on your face that told me that maybe you liked me as more then that, huh? what about the kiss! you said no romance and then you go and fucking kiss me! and then, the day after it you kiss daichi. your oh so good daichi like do you even see the way he’s treating you? i’ve seen that guy twice in one year and he’s an absolute dick to you? what makes him better than i am? did that mean something to you? when he leaned in with his disgusting mouth and pressed his lips onto yours? you fucking slut?”

if suga wasn’t absolutely enraged at most of those former statements he probably would’ve hugged him, but that was not the case.

“call me a slut one more fucking time i dare you, tooru oikawa.”  
“like you dared to kiss me after stating-“  
“enough! i’m sick of this! fuck you i’m leaving-“  
“if you leave right now don’t you dare come back ever again.”

he really didn’t mean it and he would’ve regretted saying it for the rest of his life, but suga didn’t leave.

“you know what? fine! if that’s what you want i’ll let you get that too like you got my first kiss and-“

he choked on the word and so he didn’t even try to say it out loud.

“fuck off with your bullshit about me leading you on like i’m not just an object to you!”  
“wha-“  
“no! you know i had the suspicion before, but the way you’re talking to me right now? calling me a whore? a slut? is that what you see me as? is that all i am to you? you’re a disgrace, tooru, seriously! i really thought you were more then that! when you were so- so”

he struggled to find the right words. they were burning on his tongue, but none of them felt right enough to express how he felt right now.

“so sincere! when you made breakfast for me, when you comforted me, when you showered with me, but look at you now! did your mask finally fall? is that all it took? is that really all it took for you to let shine through that you used my lack of experience to get anything you want out of it? you- god fucking dammit you let me do all those things and did all those things and this was your intention all along? to just- call me a whore in a shitty ass parking lot?”

suga was fuming with rage, but it was mixed with disappointment and betrayal which made it so much worse.

“don’t act like you didn’t want it-“  
“stop treating me like an object!”

he was yelling so loud, that it almost felt like his throat was on fire.

“i never denied the fact that i didn’t want it! but that’s not the point. i’m not one of your little- flings tooru! so don’t treat me like that! i’m not an object i’m a real person with emotions and i care- a lot! i care too much actually. so much that it apparently got over my head and to think that for even a second i was more to you then just a way to get your pleasure is so ridiculous now!”  
“you’re not-“  
“i’m not what, tooru? tell me! come on, i’m listening! i’m not just that? are you back on your ‘i can’t get you out of my mind’ bullshit now?”

his voice broke multiple times, but he decided to ignore it.

“because that’s not what you said like what? a minute ago? was that the real side of you then? the side i ‘didn’t know’ because apparently i don’t know you now? well let me tell you something: apparently you don’t know me. what didn’t click in your head, huh?”  
“you kissed me!”  
“i know! and guess what: it’s because i fucking like you! and apparently i have a habit of liking people that are assholes, because you’re being one right now and i’m very aware that daichi is one as well! you wanna know why he kissed me?”

he didn’t wait for an answer

“because i asked him to! and wanna know why?”

again, no chance for tooru to answer, not that he would have.

“because i knew that he wasn’t treating me okay. i knew that, because i’m not blind. i heard- the distance in his voice every time i talked to him, i was aware he didn’t care about me since we left high school, he asked me for advice when he knew i could give it to him, but turned on me when i needed him, let me alone in my deepest depression and turned his back when i showed even the slightest hint of a sadness so that he didn’t have to deal with it. i was just a way to get his way. seems familiar? because that last sentence does quite describe what’s happening right now. i thought you were different. i sparked hope in that, when you did more than enough, when you held me when i was crying. i really thought i was finally onto something, i just wanted to confirm it. that’s why i asked him to kiss me as the last action between us and i felt so disgusting. i felt like i was cheating on you, like throwing up, i felt sick and it felt wrong, because it was, but that was all i needed to prove to myself that i finally got over him, because instead: i like you. so tell me how i’m supposed to feel right now, tooru, huh? i had so much trust in you and i know that’s naive, but i still did! do you know how much this is hurting me right now? how disappointed i am in you?”  
“i-“

tooru felt overwhelmed and he very honestly didn’t know what to say.

“i don’t wanna hear it. i don’t want a shitty apology or any of that.”

he used the small break in his sentence to peel the soaked hoodie off of himself and threw it right into his face, the anger making it hit so hard, tooru had to stumble back a bit.

“i don’t care what you have to say to me right now. point still stands: i fell for your lie, your made up mask, whatever you wanna call it! i hope you’re happy. whatever would come out of your mouth, it wouldn’t be an excuse for the way you- you called me a whore, an object. you didn’t even let me explain! you just confirmed what has been my biggest fear with this all along, but i still took it upon me, because i had trust in you. thank you for proving me wrong then, i guess this is it.”  
“koushi-”  
“that’s suga for you.”

that hit.   
so hard that tooru couldn’t do anything but watch as suga left with an expression that he had never seen before and may never see again. he looked so hurt. and it hurt even more that he didn’t have to ask why he was so hurt.

“hajime, i fucked up.”

iwaizumi was terrified.  
oikawa never called him by his first name, it had always been his stupid ‘iwa-chan’ ever since they were kids. he had called him hajime once, when his parents had thrown him out of the house, after he came out.   
he didn’t wanna remember that so he guided his thoughts to the presence.

“do you need me to get you?”  
“please”

oikawa voice wasn’t nearly as clear as he wished that it was, his throat was sore and his bones were aching, but hajime understood.

“parking lot... my house”

was all he could stutter out and worries were set in the others head.  
what the hell had happened.

“need to stay in line?”  
“...no..... yes?”  
“i can talk you just need to listen.”

no answer, hajime assumed that was a yes.

he did this whenever things got really bad and he was happy that he only did it five times in his life, but it always worked.

“remember when you were seven? i just turned eight, it was my birthday. we had been friends for a few months back then and i didn’t tell you?”

tooru remembered, he knew this story from his diary and he had told it before. he focused on the pictures in his head like he had never focused before.

“you were so angry and you avoided me all day in elementary and i thought i did something wrong? and i didn’t show it, but i really cared? and then in the end of the day you stomped over to me and you looked so terrified?”

softly, tooru had to chuckle.

“seriously!”

iwaizumi’s voice was full of light.

“you looked like you’d seen a ghost! and i was like dude! what the hell happened? and then you held out your hand and opened it and a butterfly was in it?”

tooru remembered it so clearly, remembered how he had pinched his eyes together and how the sun was burning in his face.

“and i gasped, but then it flew away? and you thought i was angry at you? but i was... so happy, tooru. i guess that’s when we were officially best friends, huh?”

tooru smiles at that. it wasn’t that often that iwaizumi got nostalgic.

“that you really tried all day to get a butterfly, because you felt bad even if- god, you were terrified of those things! that was so sincere.. you’ve always been like that. you shine light onto others and like to ignore your own feelings, hm?”

in the end, hajime had put his phone away and instead, put his arms around the other.  
slightly, tooru could relax at the touch, grip his hands into the arms of his jacket, letting the sobs hit while his face was buried into his neck, feeling his warm hands on his back and smelling the familiar smell of the cologne iwaizumi had used since he turned 15.

quite honestly, tooru didn’t remember how, but now he was sat on his bed, dry clothes and iwaizumi in front of him.  
he stopped sobbing half way through and he had stopped crying a few minutes ago, but iwaizumi had got him some water and also made tea.

he was glad at the comfort he was given, but his stomach twisted at how suga must be feeling right now.

“so... what happened?”

tooru breathed out. good question, because he honestly couldn’t recall, at least not ‘why’.

“you can do the short version.”  
“i- .... so.... i don’t- fuck”  
“take your time.”  
“okay.. okay. i was at suga’s place”

iwaizumi froze at the ‘suga’ part, remembering very clearly that they were on first-name-basis before.

“and uh... i- wanted to do something... not sexual. but also not a confession.”

he had to swallow to push away the dry sobs, daring to escape his mouth.

“so- w-we... uhm... showered. and then i made us breakfast and then- we... did the dishes together and we both hadn’t slept too well so we... fell asleep cuddling on his bed. and we woke up, but he woke up first and then he had a boner so i have him a handjob and then he kissed me and- he said no kissing. he said no kissing, because that indicates romance and we were only sexual, but he kissed me anyways and i- was so happy? i felt flooded with emotions so much i don’t even recall what i did for the hours while he was asleep, but eventually, he woke up and we played cards and ate something until he was too tired to keep his eyes open so i carried him to bed, left a note and returned home. and- i woke up the next day and... got outside and daichi- s-sawamura you know? karasuno’s team captain- anyways... he was kissing him. and i- was... i don’t know what i was! i way angry! i was jealous, i don’t know... anyways so i followed s-suga after i was done being petrified and i- fuck. i don’t know, i was mad and for some reason he was mad and then i yelled at him, because i felt shitty and i- i called him- i called him a whore... and i- that was- he was so mad and had every right to be and then he confessed and he- i- fuck, hajime i completely betrayed him! i made him feel like an object and he was so scared of that all along and i had promised myself to be better then that sick and twisted sawamura guy, but look at it now! i fucked up. he never wants to see me again.”

iwaizumi had listened carefully, he had analyzed every word that came out broken out of his best friends mouth and yet he didn’t really understand, but he knew not to ask again.

once again, he hugged the now sobbing mess that was oikawa tooru and if he didn’t know the severity of oikawa’s current state he had wrote it off.

“you need to talk to him.”

is what he said after some consideration and some kisses he planted into tooru’s hair that was now dry again, after he had washed it.

“he doesn’t wanna hear it-“  
“yes, he does. i don’t know his exact words, but even if he very clearly said that he doesn’t care what you have to say, he does. he definitely does. i’m not saying you’re going to be able to fix this whole thing, although i do believe that’s possible. but you owe him a sorry at least. a big one. apologize big time. you’re pretty good with your words after all, no? maybe get him something too. if after listening to you he’ll throw you out and never wants to hear from you again then let him. but from why i’m getting, you were both on edge. said things you didn’t mean. and that’s okay, but you need to explain. you owe him that.”

tooru couldn’t do anything but nod. 

“can you stay... over?”  
“of course”

iwaizumi pulled him a little closer into his arms, traced over his back and listened to the rain plaster against the window in an undefined rhythm. 

he waited until he put on some music and then put off the lights, still going through tooru’s hair with the right hand and very careful with every little word of encouragement he spoke.

he knew oikawa wasn’t gonna be able to sleep, but he wanted him to be relaxed at least.

indeed, tooru didn’t sleep. the ticking of the clock seemed to become more apparent the more he focused on it and it hurt his head, but at least it didn’t hurt his heart like the thought of koushi did. 

would he actually manage to fix this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i don’t know why i made daichi an ass and hajime the nicest person ever bc in reality i don’t like hajime THAT much and i never disliked daichi but writing him like that kind of makes me dislike him- anyways next chapter will be the last! so be patient while i write it please <3 thank you!!


	7. 6//your heart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he wanted to throw up as soon as he heard footsteps, he felt so unbelievably sick in his stomach and his mind was twisting.  
> sooner then he wanted to realize, the door handle turned, opened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wAHHH LAST CHAPTER!!! sorry for letting you wait so long i had a really really bad writers block :( i hope this is okay! i left out so many things, because of the heavy lack of motivation, but,,, take it as it is

tooru’s eyes burned from the crying, his head hurt and he felt dehydrated, although hajime had forced him to drink a whole bottle of water.   
he wished he could have worn a black hoodie and put it in his face, but that wasn’t appropriate.

instead, he was wearing a beige sweatshirt with some flowers on it and light blue pants, a silver belt bringing the outfit together and a single earring was dangling from his right ear, it had his birth stone in it.

if he could, he would’ve stayed in front of the door forever. he didn’t mind his fingers freezing, most definitely didn’t mind the wind that made him tear up again, but he minded the fact that suga was in there and probably didn’t have the comfort of a childhood best friend caring for him, so he rang the bell.

he wanted to throw up as soon as he heard footsteps, he felt so unbelievably sick in his stomach and his mind was twisting.  
sooner then he wanted to realize, the door handle turned, opened.

in the most caring way possible, suga looked horrible.

dark circles underlined his almond eyes that seemed like they lost their color, his hair stood up in multiple directions and he seemed so fragile, maybe broken already.

he stepped aside and tooru almost gasped, expecting that he’d just close the door on him. slowly and unsure, he stepped inside, before koushi closed the door.

“i’m-“  
“not here.”

suga pulled him into the kitchen and sat down, moving his left hand to point at the seat in front of him where tooru sat down. 

“do- ..... you wanna start or should i?”  
“you go ahead. that’s why you came here, no?”

suga’s voice broke his heart, mate it shatter into a million pieces, but he tried to ignore it, the pain in his voice, the glassy eyes.

“i want you, koushi-“  
“suga. and if you came here to tell me you wanna keep being friends with benefits i’ll kick you ou-“  
“no. i want you to let me love you... not sexually.”  
“wha-“  
“i.. should start with the... obvious. sadly obvious. i’m sorry, ko- suga. sugawara koushi i am undeniably, deeply and utterly sorry. more on that later then... i got you... this.”

with shaking hands, tooru placed a heart shaped bottle with a red liquid in it onto the wooden table.

“it’s uhm... rose water. sue you’ve heard it before, but,”

out of pure nervousness, he had to chuckle

“if you didn’t: it’s good for your skin, smells good as well... good for apologies as well. because i owe you so much more then just that. when... i was still a child my mother used to make this with me, we called it a love potion. i thought if i put it all over my body everyone would fall for me”

suga gave a weak smile, but it still hurt.  
god, it hurt so bad.

“you... don’t need that tho. i just thought- ...yeah.”

he breathed out.

“i was the biggest asshole. i am so aware of that. it was irresponsible, it was disgusting and it was absolutely unfair. i let my jealousy act over my brain. i was just- so mad. i was so mad, but i wasn’t... mad at you. i was mad at him. i thought he had- you. i thought he won you over, got you after all this time and it felt undeserved, because i was supposed to have you and all these feeling dogged my mind and i wanted to punch him into his stupid face until he gave you back to me, i wanted to be the only one who was allowed to touch you like that, you were supposed to be mine, but...”

his words had seemed generic before, laid out.  
but what he was saying now felt like the truth, genuine maybe, real.

“i realized something. you’re not... an object. and i knew that before, of course, but my way of thinking still made me feel like that... in a way. and it was so wrong. you’re not something to be passed around, something to have, to own. you’re you. you’re someone. you’re a person. you’re a genuine and caring person, you have nice hair and a laugh that makes my heart beat to the moon and i never, absolutely never thought of you as less than that. you were never just blowjobs to me, or handjobs at that. i never reduced you to that and i wouldn’t ever dare to. you’re kind. you’re so kind and wholesome and i couldn’t ever see you as just a- toy. or a whore at that, or a slut. because you aren’t. nothing i’m saying right now erases the fact that i called you that and i’m so aware and you’re free to throw me out of the window. i- am not gonna say... the word. because i think that would be manipulative, but, suga. you have taken over my mind. you’re everything i see and everything i want to see. if i ever actually liked iwaizumi, i like you so much more. i think of you almost every second of my life, not just when i- you know... all the time. i think of your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your lips... your hair. everything about you. i think about your humor, your kindness and the comfort you give me. you are so free to let me go, but please i’m begging you, suga, please realize i never meant to hurt you. i know that that doesn’t change it. but i never truly meant it. i’m not blaming you for taking it in that moment, i just- don’t let anyone ever tell you that again. and if they do call me and i’ll kill them or beat some sense into them. you’re so much more than anything my words made you to be. you’re a star, koushi, the sun at that. you deserve all of the happiness in the world and i cannot express how sorry i am for taking that from you, but i will promise to never in my life say anything like that ever again. i promise.”

it was silent. so silent, that you could hear koushi swallow.

“tooru...”

oikawa looked up, the tears that had build up in koushi’s eyes earlier were now running free down his cheeks, onto the grey shirt that was way too big for him.

“i am... i’m stunned.”

tooru’s eyebrow twitched and he looked at him in confusion.

“i think... i’ve never actually received an actual apology in my entire life... i- i don’t know how to... what to say”  
“take your time, k- sorry. suga. take your time.”

26 seconds passed of silence in between them.  
tooru hated everyone single one.

“i forgive you.”  
“what?”  
“i forgive you. i would’ve forgiven you no matter what you had said. you could’ve texted me in three months to say ‘sorry btw wanna hook up?’ and i would’ve agreed. i’m just- stunned that you... didn’t. that you came here immediately, that you took your time, apologized, for real. that you saw my point of view and your own mistakes... this all got so much bigger than it should have. i think... we both know that. i also think... i would’ve forgiven you whatever you would’ve said, but it wouldn’t have been sincere. i actually feel... trust to you again. i trust you. thank you and i forgive you.”

tooru had to blink, almost pinched himself to see if this was a dream.

“j-just like that?”  
“i-... yes. just like that. it’s not forgotten, obviously, but forgiven.”  
“but i-“  
“tooru. shut up. i forgive you.... you may now kiss the groom”

tooru had to smile as he leaned over the table to connect their lips, the kiss was... so much more than just a kiss. it was like a promise.   
it wasn’t deep, but it was touching.

after a while, they parted again and tooru’s heart started feeling warm again, when he saw his smile.

“i also got you another sweatshirt of mine.. and the hoodie, if you want it back”  
“yes please”

koushi’s voice was still raspy, but it had much more life in it now.

tooru stood up, both of the items of clothing in his hand, but that was more an excuse for koushi to stand up as well, look into his eyes, but from not that far away.

“you know.. when i thought about you coming here, my original response was that i was gonna slap you”

tooru had to laugh at that.

“well deserved. i’m glad you didn’t tho, you can probably hit really well”  
“damn right i can”

suga grinned, before looking up again.

“tooru?”  
“yes, darling?”  
“i... i know you’re supposed to like- wait and all until.. you do certain things and.. say certain things, but...”  
“have we ever been a normal relationship? we started out with being enemies in high school and then you gave me a blowjob in your kitchen.”  
“i- ... well... guess you’re right. i love you, tooru.”

tooru smiled

“i love you too, koushi”

koushi beamed. all the sadness didn’t show in any inch of his beautiful face and tooru had to hug him and hold him and cry, because he was so precious and this was the best outcome he hadn’t even dared to hope for.

they stayed like this for a while and it felt so right, because it truly was. this was right. this was supposed to be.

“are you.. gonna help me put the sweater on?”

suga smirked and tooru had to laugh a little at the way too obvious erotic undertone.

“are you sure?”  
“very, tooru. very. never been more sure in my life.”

still, oikawa had to hesitate a little.   
should they really... right now?

“there’s other ways i can make you feel comfortable and loved, kou...”  
“i know that... we don’t have to i just... feel like it”

suga’s grin was so cute, so innocent, not matching his words

“well then i won’t let you ask twice~”

softly, tooru let his hands run over his clothed back and then under his shirt, feeling up his abs, smiling at suga’s blush that started deepening further and further.

his skin was warm under tooru’s cold fingers and he felt his goosebumps the more he touched him.

koushi felt like he couldn’t look into his eyes anymore and so he kissed him, hard this time, let their tongues play around each other and feel tooru’s teeth digging into his lip.

more or less subconsciously, they were walking towards the hall, tooru’s hands still under his shirt, before he pushed it upwards and backed away with his face a little. he was gonna put the shirt away, but had to stare for a second.

suga’s eyes met his own and for the short moment it truly felt like life was going in slow motion. it almost felt like he could see the lust in his eyes, but it was different from before. it was desire as well, love. he didn’t wanna look away, but eventually he had to and practically threw the shirt to the ground, before kissing him again.

“you’re.... so.... beautiful”

he kissed him after every word and they came out a little muffled, because he never really let go of him in between and suga had to smile before eventually pulling him into the bedroom. tooru closed the door by pulling koushi around to gently press him against said door in which he responded with a light huff.

immediately, suga moved his hands around the other’s neck, pulling him closer into a kiss. tooru’s fingers found their way into his back pockets, leaning in with his leg to tease his already forming erection, causing suga to moan softly into the kiss.

“i love how eager you are”

tooru whispered into his ear, before kissing along his jawline and then his lips again.

“you can still see the hickies” 

he grinned and koushi smiled

“they’re pretty.”  
“only because they’re on you”

a soft gasp escaped his lips and oikawa used the moment to pick him up the ground and gently push him onto the bed.  
he looked at him for a while, well, it was more a stare.  
he looked away to his eyes again in fear of making him uncomfortable and instead, sat into his lap, before kissing him again, letting his fingers run through his hair, down to his neck, tracing his collarbones, over to his shoulders, before skipping the hands and moving his hands up his torso.

suga’s skin was not only soft it was also warm and it felt so nice. tooru’s heart beat a little faster as he felt koushi’s goosebumps under his fingers.  
something about knowing how hard suga could react from just touching and making out made him absolutely crazy and he loved it.

shortly, tooru moved away again, with his mouth at least, to pull his sweatshirt over his head and smirked at suga’s pout

“i could’ve done that for you”  
“i know, baby, sorry”

he reached for suga’s hand and put it over his heart.  
half, this was to make him less nervous, showing off that although he’d done this before, he was still nervous.   
and half this was a way of saying ‘my heart only beats for you’ in a way.  
although, he didn’t wait long to move suga’s hands down from his chest to his pants, while softly, almost unnoticeably, grinding against it.

his face heated up a little, feeling his lover like this. it was so much more than just sex.

koushi grinned and looked up to him while opening the belt.

“that’s the same belt you wore at the party”  
“yup, but you actually get further then the last time i wore it... as long as you want that of course.”  
“please”

tooru froze for a split second.

“the way you say that still gets me every time, sugar~”  
“mhm~ i know”

with a quick movement of his fingers, koushi opened the button of tooru’s pants, then the zipper, however for obvious reason, he had to stand up to actually get out of them.  
suga had to push his hips upwards to help tooru undressing him as well.

“you really are incredibly gorgeous”

tooru whispered, even if he wasn’t fully aware of what he was saying, he jut knew he meant it.

he kissed suga’s mouth, before moving downwards, thought out kisses tracing all the way to the beginning of his boxers.   
but tooru skipped them, instead, he licked up his thighs and softly sucked in suga’s skin, making him squirm a little.  
he kissed the hickey, before looking up again, moving right on top of him, only a few inches in the air between them.

once more, he traced over his body, still ignoring the obvious bulge in his boxers, but instead pinching his nipple, smirking as koushi couldn’t help but gasp, before his cheeks reddened in pleasure.

“fuck, baby, this is hot~”

suga whined a little 

“tooru~”  
“yes, my prince?”  
“can... g-get to the point”

tooru chuckled

“not so fast”  
“...hhhnnn”

a smirk appeared in his face as tooru let his hand almost touch him, but not really and it made suga so frustrated, but he knew not to do it himself.

“got something to say?”  
“i- fuck”  
“cursing now, are we?”  
“shu-“

obviously, tooru knew exactly what suga was about to say.. or trying to say. he just wanted to hear it again and he was willing to make him more and more desperate with every breath he took.  
he let his hand wander around the others neck, not even squeezing a little, just checking how he’d react. and he reacted with big eyes looking at him with lust, luckily proving that he wanted this.  
tooru didn’t choke him, only pushed him back a little when he leaned in, making suga unable to kiss him and look at him with want.   
tooru liked that face  
liked it a lot  
loved it, even.

“you’re still not gonna talk, are you?”  
“y-you....”  
“thought so.”

tooru enjoyed this maybe a little too much. just waiting until suga would snap.   
breaking the barrier between lust and being flustered, because as much as suga could hide behind big words, when it came to it it takes him a while to actually say them.

very gently he let his hand wander down again, slightly tugging at the others underwear, but painfully slow.

“tooru-“

he raised an eyebrow

“yes, baby?”  
“can you...just”  
“yeahh?”

suga’s face was red. tooru almost let it be, as arousing as this was, he didn’t wanna tease him too much.

“geez just... t-touch me already okay? please please just.. just get to the god damn point. make love to me please but i can’t stand your constant teasing”

he almost heard the barrier shatter between them, a smirk building onto his face. suga’s voice was full of desperation and goosebumps went down his spine.

“good boy~”

as much as tooru loved teasing him, he wasn’t gonna let him as twice and so he slowly god rid of the boxers, the slight touch alone making koushi dig his teeth into his lip.

“do you wanna go all the way, baby?”

tooru’s voice was a little raspy and while asking he had let his fingers wrap around the others length carefully, making suga unable to respond properly.

“mhm”

was all koushi managed and oikawa thought about just letting it be at that, but then decided he wanted to try teasing him again, because it usually worked really well.

“didn’t catch that, do you wanna repeat for me?”

his hand started moving a little faster, not really fast enough, but noticeably faster as just light stroking and fast enough to let suga moan, even if just a little.

“ah~ y-yes... please.”

tooru slowed down again, moved his right hand to koushi’s face and softly moved the hair out of it, before kissing him, deepening it and then pulling away again.

“do you have,,, lube?”  
“mhm... drawer”

oikawa decided to keep in his comments about the not being sexually active thing, but suga spoke anyways.

“it’s... it’s only there because of.. you. figured this might happen at some point”

it was mumbled and if tooru didn’t expect that kind of and answer he wouldn’t have understood what he was saying, but he did and he smirked.

“you’re so cute... even like this.”

tooru reached for the drawer and after some inspecting, pulled out the lube.  
it gave a very satisfying noise at just being opened and tooru looked over to koushi.

“it’s gonna be a little cold”  
“okay...”  
“hey... you don’t have to be nervous, baby. if it gets uncomfortable please tell me, okay? ...i know what i’m doing, but i’ll stop if you want me to.”

suga nodded.

“i promise.”

carefully, he traced around suga’s entrance, he made sure not to look too long or too much, knowing that that usually makes people uncomfortable, even if koushi was looking to the side anyways.  
as a distraction, tooru kissed his neck again and entered the first finger.

“i love you”

is all suga managed to gasp out and tooru felt like it was almost prettier than him moaning his name... almost. 

“i love you so much”

it was muffled, since it was against his neck, but it had the wanted effect of koushi easing onto him, slowly getting more and more comfortable, even when tooru started moving.

it could be his imagination, but suga’s skin basically tasted like honey, he had never enjoyed kissing someone’s body as much as he loved it with him. smiling at every noise, but making sure to never let go of him with his mouth.  
to his luck, koushi was more than fine with that, the butterflies in his stomach almost felt like they’d make him nauseous, in a good way of course.

tooru licked from his collarbones up to under his ear again and koushi shivered at the feeling of warmth traveling up his spine.

“can i put in the second one?”

tooru whispered and then looked up into his eyes again, koushi’s face was flushed, but his glassy eyes were proof enough that he loved it, if the nod didn’t do that already.

“come on, sugar... you have a mouth to speak”  
“...please tooru i- i can... please”

his light stuttering always made tooru so hyper aware and he loved it, ached for it.  
still, he put a little more lube onto his fingers, before slowly entering the second one.  
his lips were now on suga’s nipple again and little zaps of heated electricity went through his body every time tooru did as much as let his tongue swirl around anywhere on his completely exposed skin.

tooru couldn’t wait for his moans to fill the room, but he knew he had to hold back and he was absolutely willing to, even if it was a little hard, when koushi was so extremely perfect.

after koushi had noticeably calmed down and relaxed again, tooru carefully entered his third finger, watched as suga had to squeeze his eyes shut a little and wondered if maybe, he’d gone too far.

“should i go slo-“  
“no. i-....”

suga but deep into his lip, trying to overplay the uncertainty, the embarrassment too.  
tooru kisses his cheek

“yeah...?”  
“i... l-like it when it hurts”

tooru almost gasped, somehow hearing suga say things that were actually a million percent sexual was incredibly arousing.

“a-are you sure?”

koushi’s face was deep red as he nodded, before mumbling again.

“yes... it blurs into just pleasure anyways so... y-you can... you don’t have to be so gentle it’s not like i never- ...touched myself before”  
“just... tell me if it’s too mu-“  
“tooru. please just fuck me already... please please please stop being so gentle”  
“ohhh big words now?”

tooru smirked and koushi whined, before looking right into his eyes again

“please, tooru.... please”

he almost sounded defeated, but that might be the fact that he couldn’t concentrate on anything, but every single little movement tooru made.

“i promise i’ll tell you if it’s too much just... please”  
“okay... okay”

tooru opened the lube for the last time, smiling when koushi hissed at the fact that he had to use both his hands for that, immediately aching for the feeling again.

tooru looked at him again

“do you... want me to use a-“  
“i trust you... so no.”  
“are you sure?”  
“more than sure tooru please i’m begging you just hurry up”  
“alright... alright alright”

he had to resist jacking off, when he spread the cold lube around his length, but he was so filled with anticipation, he probably wouldn’t have been able to stop again.

“last chance for you to change your mind, sugar~”

tooru positioned himself, eyes gazing over koushi’s body that was now even more covered in hickeys and a few light bite marks, before he looked into his eyes, but suga remained silent.  
in an attempt to tease him, but also to not overwhelm him completely, tooru started with just the tip, however koushi couldn’t resist to move his legs around him and therefore, forcing him to enter completely and anything but slow.

“fuck”

suga breathed out, tears forming in his eyes, but he almost didn’t feel the pain through the lust.  
tooru had to bite down on his tongue and close his eyes for a few seconds.

“did i allow you to do that, baby?”  
“s-sorry i just- ah~ c-couldn’t help it...”

if it was anyone else, tooru would’ve probably just gone back to teasing, but not only was ist koushi, he was also way too into it to let go again.

“mhhhhm”  
“please tooru i just-“

but tooru started moving and it immediately made suga gasp, before leaning his head back, tensing up a little every time tooru sank into him completely.  
his hands found their way deep into tooru’s hair again and there was no trace of holding back when he subconsciously tucked at them.

tooru kept the same pace for a while, slowed down before going a little faster again and he was so in love with every single expression on suga’s face, every time he lightly closed his eyes, when his eyelids fluttered open, when his eyebrows twiched or when his mouth slightly opened, before he bit into his lip again.

“you’re- fuck, koushi, you’re so beautiful”

tooru’s nails dug into his hips, causing him to be even harder with every thrust and it drove suga absolutely insane.  
if koushi wasn’t incredibly determined to look into his face because oh god, he looked to incredibly hot right now, the increasing pleasure almost made it hard to see anything at all.

“tooru- i-i want.. more.. please”

he didn’t even listen to himself, wasn’t even sure if he even said it out loud or if it remained a thought, until tooru actually got faster, harder.  
and if he wasn’t the most focused he had ever been in his entire life, he would’ve probably felt bad for his neighbors, but he could really care less right now.

that was, until tooru stopped completely and koushi hissed again, deeper this time.

“tooru-“  
“you... fuck”

tooru huffed, before he kissed him again and suga kissed back, leaned into it even, before breaking it again, a string of saliva still connecting them.  
and that’s when it felt like he could actually feel the tension, the undeniable friction between them on his skin. his eyes were only half lidded, but he could see every emotion written onto tooru’s face.  
for a second, time stood still and he was numb to everything, but tooru’s hands on his hips and the reflected led lights in his eyes.

“you’re lucky you’ve been so good for me, baby”

tooru’s voice was so gentle it was comforting and suga couldn’t help but smile, very glad that tooru let him take a moment to realize what exactly was happening.

“want me to continue now?”

of course, tooru wasn’t stupid. he let suga get what he wanted, but he also knew how much more enjoyable it was, when both of them were fully conscious of every single action.

“yes, please”

and tooru did, immediately going as fast as before and suga almost had to scream.

“ah... there?”

a smirk appeared on his face and all koushi could do was nod lightly, although he wasn’t even sure if he was doing that, but tooru knew anyways, attempted to hit the spot again and immediately succeeded, multiple times at that.

“ngh~ fuck, tooru...”

and tooru hit it again and again and suga’s moans made him so energetic, so fixated.

oikawa slowed down again, but didn’t let koushi complain, instead he leaned forward to his ear again.

“i love you, kou. i love you and every expression on your face right now and i love how- ngh~ i love how you sound and how you feel, because, holy shit, you feel so good and i love how you touch me, not just physically, but mentally too i just... love you so much”

koushi’s face was red and his heart beat so fast, he was almost certain tooru could hear it right now, if it wasn’t for the fact that the room was filled with different sound right now.

“you- i.. love you so much, tooru. i love you endlessly and beyond and- ah~ i love you in every way i possibly can.”

that made tooru feel warm and not only sexually... although that as well. nevertheless he sped up again, no daydream and no imagination could ever reach up to the way suga was just... perfect. nothing could do that except for reality and he was so glad for it being that way.

“i don’t think i can... l-last much longer- ah~”

it was rare that tooru let himself moan, especially while he wasn’t receiving, but he felt to comfortable to care about it now and koushi loved it, but couldn’t respond due to the fact that oikawa let his fingers wrap around koushi’s cock, moving at the same pace in which he was thrusting.

and as much as last time, koushi was so vocal, but in every way, it was still different.   
it was different, because it was so clear that this wasn’t just sex, this wasn’t just being drunk and horny or desperate and horny, this was love.

with a last stroke, koushi came, his legs kicking a little, almost shaking as tooru released himself.   
suga moaning his name took over tooru’s head and he had to take a moment to be heavily breathing, still leaned over suga, before he could lick away suga’s remains that were daring to drip down his entire hand while holding eye contact.

koushi was breathing fast, but quickly calmed down, before blushing deeply and trying to process what had just happened, but his brain failed him, failed him so bad he didn’t even fully realize tooru had cleaned him and himself up, until he flopped down next to him.

“that was...”

he struggled to find the right words, nothing quite described what he was feeling right now.

“amazing... i don’t know how else to say it i- love you so much... i love you so much”

tooru smiled, apart from the pain in his arms from holding himself up the entire time he knew it was worth it and he smiled and pulled him closer and then he got that feeling of being able to hug the entire world again and serotonin overtook his mind, because this was only the start of something beautiful, he could feel it.

“you were never a stranger to me... i always knew you somewhere in my head”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for every single comment and thank you specifically for my best friend who i will not name bc idk if she’s comfortable with that but you know who you are and i love you!! mwuah  
> (also keep in mind i’m a cis lesbian i have no clue how biologically male bodies work from anything other than the internet so this might be very inaccurate)


End file.
